


Ride it Out

by deaniewithalittleweanie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angry Sex, Angst, Autistic Castiel (Supernatural), Awkward Encounters, BAMF Castiel, Barrel Racer Dean, Benny & Dean friendship, Bottoming from the Top, Dean can be a real asshole when he's mad, Dean is openly bi, Enemies to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Hospital, Hunter/Jumper Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Jo Harvelle Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Light dom/sub undertones, M/M, Petty Arguments, Rekindling, Slow Burn, equestrian AU, injuries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2019-11-01 13:56:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17868545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deaniewithalittleweanie/pseuds/deaniewithalittleweanie
Summary: Dean has started barrel racing after picking up a job as a barnhand. Horses are expensive, so he started working at the fancy English horse shows. He meets the trainer from Heaven's Gait Farm and decides that he's a pretentious dick. The only thing keeping him there on weekends was the money (and definitely not those pretty blue eyes).





	1. The First Show

**Author's Note:**

> Hoping to update this every week, but if you know me, that probably won't happen. I'll update when I can. Bother me on tumblr [https://deaniewithalittleweanie.tumblr.com/ ](here)

Dean really didn’t expect himself to have a real connection with horses when he took up a job in Denton, Texas, a pretty town about half an hour away from Dallas. It was full of ranches and farms, and Dean easily found a job as a barn hand at a local western show barn. They were close to a large show location where both English discipline and Western discipline shows took place. Dean liked the horses a lot. He made pretty good money, which was enough to pay his rent and give some money to Sam to help him with school.

The trainer on site, Ellen, also owned a bar and restaurant nearby called the Roadhouse. Her daughter, Jo, was the star rider at the barn. She messed with Dean a lot, but they got along great. It took weeks, but one day she finally got Dean on a horse. He was timid at first, but within half an hour he felt pretty good.

Six months later and Dean was competing with Jo in barrel racing. He was in a beginner’s level class, but he rode like a champ. It came naturally to him. The only struggle was affording the shows. The clothes alone were insanely expensive. Then there were show fees, trainer fees, trailering, stalls, hay, and a dozen other things. Dean leased a horse named Leo. He was a chestnut quarter horse with socks on all four feet and a star on his face. He had a cute white nose too. He was pretty laid back until he saw the barrels, which is when he went from half-asleep to running top speed. He knew his job well and Dean had a great connection with him.

As for the financial issues, Dean realized that if he wanted to keep showing, he needed to work more. That’s when he started working shows, and not the western shows, the hunter/jumper shows. On weekends when he wasn’t showing, the show ring was full of the English riders in their fancy coats and skinny tan pants. Dean always thought they looked so pretentious, but they paid a lot for someone to come clean stalls, feed their horses, and help the riders. A barn called Heaven’s Gait hired him to come to their shows and take care of the horses. Dean knew his way around the horses, and the riders would tip him, so he made a lot doing it.

His first weekend there, it was nice. He got there early in the morning and filled water buckets. He dropped grain and scooped out the stalls. The only instructions he had were not to go into the stall of one of the horses. He spotted her towards the end. She was a dark bay and draft-cross mare named Meg. She was already pacing and huffing in her stall. Dean fed her through the window and didn’t go in as instructed. He didn’t want to get killed today. Usually, the ones to own the crazy mares were equally crazy girls with a secret death wish. Dean watched and waited for the rider to get on that horse.

A few hours after Dean got there, riders arrived and started getting ready. It was all girls and one guy, and everyone was young, all under 20, but no one under 13. Dean helped them tack up and sent their horses to the ring. They all took them to the schooling ring and Dean saw a trainer hopping on them first. He couldn’t really see the trainer from here, so he just went back to work.

Towards the end of the day, when the hunter riders were finished, Dean realized that Meg was no longer in her stall and one of the saddles were gone. He asked one of the riders, Anna, where she went.

“Oh, she’s about to go in the jumper ring. You going to watch?”

Dean blinked. Of course, she was a jumper. The hunter division was all about precision and looking proper over the jumps. The jumpers division was about speed. The fastest person with the fewest errors won. “Sure, I’ll come to watch once I’ve got her stall cleaned.”

“It’s already clean.”

Dean looked at the stall, and sure enough, the stall was picked clean, leaving only fresh shavings and hay. “Oh. Did her owner clean it?”

Anna nodded. “Yeah.”

Dean followed the other riders out to the jumper’s ring and sat down in the bleachers. He watched several horses go with wide eyes. Some of these horses were insane, and the jumps were huge. At the 1.2 meter jumpers, Dean spotted Meg. She came into the ring with her head tossing, but her rider had a gentle hand that brought her back to a calm state. Dean knew he was watching a man ride, judging by the blue tie he had on and his body shape. Dean definitely wasn’t looking at his ass in those skin-tight pants, and he wondered if he was the trainer he saw earlier. The rider took Meg around the course with amazing speed and precision. Even though they were fast, there was never a moment where they looked out of control. When the results were announced, number 345, Megara and Castiel Novak were announced as first place. The riders from Heaven’s Gait all cheered and Dean clapped along. If he didn’t have to leave now to go do night check back at Ellen’s, he would be meeting this guy right now.

The next day was Sunday and Dean was on the lookout for the trainer. When he arrived in the morning, he started cleaning out the stalls and feeding. He looked for Meg’s feed bucket and couldn’t find it. Maybe he left it by her stall? He walked back to the stalls and saw another barn hand in sweatpants and a baggy sweater walking straight for her stall with the bucket. He wasn’t going to say anything until the guy started opening the door. “Wait!” Dean ran over. When the barn hand turned to him, he came face to face with the cutest puzzled look he had ever seen. Bright blue eyes narrowed and a head of dark hair tilted. Dean glanced down and that’s when he saw the toes of some very expensive looking tall boots. He just tried to stop the trainer. “Oh, shit-sorry, I didn’t know who you were.”

The man blinked before his face softened. “It’s alright. When you were hired, Michael told you not to go into her stall?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah.”

The trainer rolled his eyes and went into the stall. Nothing happened. Meg stood still and watched him drop her feed. “Is that why you didn’t pick her stall yesterday?”

Dean nodded. “I was going to once she wasn’t in there, but it was already done when I got back from hosing off the others.”

The trainer looked at Dean. “I see. How much experience do you have with horses?”

“Um, I guess about six months.”

“Do you mind grabbing my tack? My saddle is the custom CWD with the blue cover.”

Dean had a weird vibe from this guy. “Aren’t you in the jumper ring?”

“Only on Saturdays. I show in the hunter ring on Sundays.”

Dean blinked. No way that horse showed well in the hunter ring. He probably pumped the horse full of some kind of sedative, which wasn’t uncommon in the horse world. Sometimes it was necessary for safety, but other times it could be considered cheating. It depended on what you used.

He walked to the tack stall and put the saddle over his arm. He looked at the bridles and realized he didn’t know which one to grab. They all looked the same, except for one with a twisted snaffle bit. The metal was twisted to give it more edges, and it was considered more severe than a smooth bit. Dean grabbed that bridle along with the girth and pads that went with the saddle. He walked back to the stall and saw the trainer grooming Meg and smiling as she poked her nose at his sweatshirt. “Got your tack.”

The trainer looked back at Dean. “Thank you...oh, that’s the wrong bridle. Sorry, I didn’t specify. Hers is on the left end. I’m not even sure whose that is. It doesn’t look like any of ours.”

Dean set the saddle and the rest of the tack on the rack. “Oh, okay.” He walked back to the tack stall and hung the bridle he grabbed up. He looked on the left end and saw a larger bridle. He should have known that the big horse needed the largest bridle, but his first thought was that she probably needed a harsher bit, given how gentle the trainer’s hands looked yesterday. He grabbed the bridle and looked at the bit. It was a freaking happy mouth. Happy mouth bits were rubber and some were flavored. The bit was extremely gentle and for horses with more sensitive mouths. Dean brought the bridle to the trainer and hung it on the hook outside of the stall.

“I’m sorry, I don’t believe I’ve asked you your name.”

“Oh, it’s Dean. You?”

“Castiel. My brother, Michael, owns the barn and property, but I’m the head trainer.”

Dean nodded and watched as Castiel tacked up Meg. He jumped when Castiel started tightening the girth around her middle and she swung her head back to bite him. Castiel dodged her with what looked like practiced ease and fastened the girth. He spoke in a low, calming voice to calm Meg down. The rumbling tone even made Dean relax.

Dean saw the other riders coming and went to help them with their horses. He groomed, grabbed tack, and applied hoof oil to all of the horses. He followed them out to the ring, and that’s when a pair of reins were stuck in his hand. He looked up and saw Meg standing there and Castiel leaving her with him to help his students. Dean furrowed his brows when he was left alone with the horse without a word from Castiel. He still couldn’t decide if this guy was just a little weird or a pretentious asshole. He was leaning towards the latter.

The first student to go into the ring was a seventeen-year-old boy named Balthazar. He went over the course while Castiel watched him from the side of the ring. Dean watched the round and gave an impressed nod when he was done. He really didn’t know much about the hunter ring and what was being judged, but it looked nice. When he looked at Castiel, he saw him shaking his head. He walked over to Balthazar and spoke to him with a concerned look on his face. Dean frowned. What did he do wrong? What was so bad about it? When Balthazar went back in for the flat class, which is where everyone who just did that course went in at once and were judged for their riding without going over jumps. Dean watched Balthazar and the other riders. Everyone pretty much looked the same. The only mistake he caught was Balthazar picking up the incorrect canter lead, but he fixed it within a few seconds. Placements were announced and Balthazar was fourth over fences, second on the flat. As Castiel walked towards Dean, following Balthazar out of the ring, Dean caught something that solidified his opinion on Castiel.

“...you’re lucky you got that second. I saw that incorrect lead and I would have put you at fifth...”

What a prick. Dean briefly wasn’t paying attention to Meg, and that’s when she stepped on his foot. He was in boots, but it still hurt. He gasped and tried to get his foot away, but Meg wasn’t moving. He was about to try and push her to one side, but the reins were taken from his hand and Meg got off of his foot. Dean let out a sigh of relief and met Castiel’s eyes.

“Watch your feet.” Castiel took his sweatpants and sweater off, revealing his cleanly pressed black coat, blue tie, and smooth tan pants. He had custom designer Tucci tall boots that were freshly cleaned and looked extremely well taken care of. He put his helmet on and took Meg over to the mounting block before getting on and walking her over to the ring.

Dean huffed softly and brushed off the top of his boot. He stood back as he watched them go into the ring. It was pretty clear that Meg was a jumper, but she listened to Castiel and did her job, it was a nice round. The flat class looked good too. Dean couldn’t find it within himself to be happy when Castiel got second in both. It was a big class with fourteen people, so second was nothing to be upset over, and Castiel seemed happy with it, which is exactly why Dean pouted and waited to be handed a horse again. He gave a fake smile when Castiel handed Meg off to him. He could have sworn he saw Castiel’s mouth move to say something, but Dean wasn’t paying attention, so he didn’t hear him. Castiel was probably telling him to watch his feet again.

Dean held Meg and walked around the arenas when she got antsy until Castiel returned to take Meg back to be groomed and bathed. Dean stayed around for the rest of the day and finished his job. When it was done, he found a letter next to his car keys with his name on it, written in neat, flowing cursive. He picked up the letter and his keys and left to head back to Ellen’s for night check.

~~~

“I know you’re mad about something.”

Dean looked up at the sound of Jo’s voice. He was in a stall and picking it out. “No, I’m not.”

“Yeah, you are. That stall has been clean for five minutes and you’re still going.”

Dean looked down at the shavings beneath his feet. Jo was right. He sighed. “The trainer at Heaven’s Gait is a pretentious dick. His horse stepped on my damn foot, he was an asshole to one of his riders, and he wins everything.” he poked at the shavings with his pitchfork and huffed. “I’m getting worked up over nothing.”

“Sounds like it. Do you hate him for what he said or because he owns a fancy barn with fancy horses?”

Dean thought for a moment. “Both.”

“Do they pay well?”

“Yeah, really good. One weekend covers an entire show bill.”

“Damn. If I were you, I’d put up with his crap just for that.” Jo hummed. “Is he at least cute?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I dunno. Little shorter than me, messy dark hair, blue eyes, athletic build-”

Jo cut Dean off with a laugh. “If you two aren’t having hate sex by the end of the month, I will be severely disappointed.”

Dean sputtered. He was out, but it was still embarrassing to hear that nonetheless.

“Castiel, right? He’s pretty well known. You’re right about him winning everything. I’ve never met him, but people talk. He has a ten-person long waiting list to get into his lesson program.”

“Bullshit, not with the way he talked to his riders today.”

“What did he say?”

Dean huffed. “I was holding his horse and he was watching one of his riders. His round looked good. Only thing I saw wrong with the flat was an incorrect lead, but the guy fixed it almost immediately. The jumps were pretty rushed, so he got fourth, but that was probably fair. Then he got second on the flat and I thought it was good until I heard Castiel telling him he didn’t deserve the second place.”

Jo raised a brow. “Well, did he?”

“Did he what?”

“Deserve second place. You said he picked up the wrong lead.”

Dean shrugged. “I dunno. I don’t think the judge saw.”

“Well if the judge saw, he probably wouldn’t have placed him second. Some trainers have a heavier hand. Don’t you hear my mom calling me an idiot all the time?”

“Well, yeah, but she’s your mom. That’s a free pass. The rider probably sat on the long-ass waiting list and now he’s just getting chewed out by this fancy pants trainer that thinks he’s better than everyone and-” He sighed. “I’ll shut up.”

Jo chuckled. “Well, hopefully, he becomes a different kind of pain in the ass for you.”

Dean rolled his eyes and went around to finish cleaning stalls.

~~~

By the time Dean got back to his apartment, he was exhausted and ready to crash. He showered and laid down in bed. He spotted the letter he picked up from the show sitting on his bedside table and picked it up. He had been thinking all evening, and he was considering finding another barn at the English shows. Castiel just got so under his skin, he didn’t know if it was worth it. Dean opened the letter and pulled out a folded sheet of paper. In swirling cursive, it read:  
_“Dean,_  
_Thank you for your assistance today. Our next show is on April 4th. If this doesn’t conflict with your schedule, please contact me at the number below._  
_With warm regards and thanks,_  
_Castiel Novak”_

Inside the folded piece of paper were two hundred dollar bills, crisp and neatly folded. Dean’s eyes were wide as he stared at the money. Okay, his thoughts about finding someone else were gone. This was fine. He could end up a little pissy on the weekends for this much extra spending money.

This was fine. Everything was fine, and he totally didn’t dream of blue eyes and a pert ass in tight, tan pants.


	2. Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, this isn't too terribly angsty. More to come soon! (unbeta'd, apologies for any typos)

Dean’s weekly lessons were usually semi-private lessons with Jo. Private lessons could get intense at times. With Ellen’s one-hundred-percent on him, he tended to crack under the pressure. He was slightly terrified of Ellen. The semi-private lessons meant that whenever her attention shifted to Jo, he could take a minute to relax… Until Ellen would turn back to him.

 

“Sit up straight and put your heels down, boy. The horse ain’t a damn couch!”

 

Dean immediately sat back up. “Sorry.”

 

“Don’t apologize, just do it right.”

 

Dean was dead tired by the end of his lesson. He bathed Leo and let him out to one of the pastures, watching him run...and immediately roll in a puddle of mud. Dean rolled his eyes and chatted with Jo while he cleaned stalls. 

 

By the time he was home and eating pizza, his legs and thighs ached. His usual riding days were pretty laid back. He would go ride for about an hour and make sure Leo got proper exercise. Lessons were more intense and both Dean and Leo would be sweaty and exhausted at the end. Dean usually indulged in a personal pizza from a local shop on lesson days. As he sat at his little table, his phone buzzed. It was a text from an unknown number.

 

**_Unknown_ **

_ Dean, are you available this weekend for the show? Michael provided me with your number to contact you. _

 

Dean blinked. Oh, he forgot to text Castiel nearly two weeks ago. He added the number to his contacts. After several tries, he couldn’t remember how to spell his name.

 

**_Dean Winchester_ **

_ Yeah, I’m available. Sorry I didn’t text you sooner.  _

 

**_Casi-something (snobby trainer)_ **

_ It’s alright. Would you be able to help load at the farm on Friday? I can provide the address, and I’ll be sure that you’re adequately paid. _

 

**_Dean Winchester_ **

_ I have night check at Ellen’s at seven, so as long as I can be out of there by 6:30 _

 

**_Casi-something (snobby trainer)_ **

_ You should be able to leave by 6pm. Could you be there by 1? (attachment) _

 

Dean clicked the attachment and found the address to Heaven’s Gait Farms. He saved it to his phone. 

 

**_Dean Winchester_ **

_ Got the address. I’ll be there. _

 

**_Casi-something (snobby trainer)_ **

_ Thank you :-) _

 

Dean knew he was a little irrational about his weird hatred for this guy, but who the fuck puts a hyphen in their smiley faces? He set his phone aside while he showered away the day of dirt and hay. 

 

~~~

 

On Friday, Dean drove down the long driveway of Heaven’s Gait. His jaw dropped when he saw the massive barn and three huge arenas, one empty, one with a jumping course set up, and an indoor ring with a few jumps. The pastures were behind the rings, and all of the horses were running and playing. Dean parked the Impala in the parking lot and walked into the barn. Everything was immaculately clean. The students were moving around the barn and packing large trunks. Dean spotted the trainer braided Meg’s mane and walked over to him. “Hey, what can I do?”

 

Castiel looked at Dean. “Oh, hello, Dean. Thank you for coming. Can you braid?”

 

“Uhhh, no.” 

 

“Oh, well, could you load four bales of hay into the trailer? It’s out back. You’ll see the hay in the shed.”

 

Dean nodded and went out back. Even the trailer was huge and nice, with the barn’s logo on the side. The logo was a silhouette of a horse with wings going over a jump. Dean supposed that it was a pegasus, but he wasn’t too focused on that. He loaded the bales of hay into the trailer and saw students dragging their massive trunks out. He helped them pick them up into the trailer and put them where he was instructed to. Once the horses were brought out, He walked them up the ramp and backed them into the individual stalls. He saw Meg coming and got out of the way while Castiel loaded her into the trailer. 

 

Castiel looked back at Dean once the horses were loaded. “You know your way to the park?”

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I’ve got it. We have everything packed?”

 

Castiel nodded. “Yes, I believe so. We’ll meet you there.” 

 

Dean hopped out of the trailer and walked to his car. At least Castiel wasn’t getting super under his skin today. He started up the engine and drove to the park, taking a spot towards the back. People in large trucks often tried to squeeze in at the front, so to keep Baby safe, Dean would park further away. 

 

He unloaded horses and trunks, dropping hay and filling water buckets. It was all of the usual things. He helped some students tack up to go school their horses and walk them around the park to adjust to their surroundings. Dean helped with Meg again, passing the saddle to Castiel and running over her coat with a brush to get the last bits of dirt off before Castiel took her to the ring. Dean stood by the fence and watched the riders go. The schooling ring was the most terrifying part of any show. Screw going into the ring in front of a judge, this was the place where you got scared. The ring was the same size as the others, and everyone was in and out at once. They had a rider limit of twelve for safety, but even with the limit, it could get crowded. Everyone was going different directions, different speeds, and the horses ranged from kids on ponies to adults like Cas on big horses. 

 

Dean watched some of the kids on ponies with a smile. The little girls had their hair in two braids with massive bows on the ends. Even the little boys were adorable. Dean watched the ponies until he heard a commotion on the other end, right as he looked over, he saw a horse biting Meg, the rider pulling their horse away right as Meg bucked sky-high, and then Castiel flying into the air and onto the ground. Meg reared up to get away from the body flying in front of her and turned around to run away. Dean heard a loud crack and hopped the fence, weaving through horses. He caught Meg and saw Castiel crumpled on the ground. 

 

One of Castiel’s students, Balthazar, dismounted and took Meg’s reins so Dean could get to Castiel. Dean was running as soon as he didn’t have to hang onto Meg. He dropped to his knees beside Castiel and saw that the back of his helmet was cracked open. He didn’t dare try to move him now. He put a hand on his shoulder when he started getting up. “Stay down. I hear the medics coming. Don’t move your head.” He saw a medic coming into the ring with a backboard. “Did you get kicked?” He heard a slur of attempted speech from Castiel and his worry spiked. No matter who was in front of him, he was going to make sure they were okay.

 

The medic carefully rolled Castiel onto the backboard and looked at his eyes. He removed his cracked helmet and put a cervical collar on him. Dean helped carry the board out of the ring to where they could wait for an ambulance. Castiel’s students were all coming out of the ring to check on him. Dean looked at the five of them. “I’ll stay with him. You guys make sure the horses are alright. Can someone contact a family member?”

 

Balthazar nodded. He had Meg and his own horse by the reins. “I’ll call Michael when I got back to the barn. You’ll keep us updated, right?” He shifted, clearly worried.

 

Dean nodded. “I will. Will you get the information if I text Michael?”

 

Balthazar nodded. “We will. Thank you.”

 

Dean talked to the medic and told him what he saw. When the ambulance arrived, he helped move Castiel onto the stretcher and rode with him to the emergency room. He knew that they were dealing with a serious concussion, at the least. Castiel looked completely out of it. He stayed by his side for as long as he could, but he had to stay in the waiting room once they were in the ER. He got a text from Michael.

 

**_Michael Novak (Heaven’s Gait)_ **

_ Thank you for staying with Castiel. Balthazar said he had a nasty fall. All of them are extremely worried _

 

**_Dean Winchester_ **

_ I don’t blame them. I was scared too. Another horse bit Meg and she bucked. She spooked away from him and one of her hooves hit the back of his head. His helmet cracked. We just got to the hospital. _

 

**_Michael Novak (Heaven’s Gait)_ **

_ Keep me updated. Thank you again. Do you have anywhere else you need to be? _

 

**_Dean Winchester_ **

_ I’ll find someone to do night check for me. My boss will understand. _

 

Dean settled back in the uncomfortable hospital chair and waited. He texted Ellen and explained what had happened. Jo volunteered to cover night check so that Dean could stay with Castiel and keep everyone updated. 

 

It wasn’t until several hours later that he got an update from a doctor. There was no internal bleeding in his head, but he had a pretty major concussion and a cracked rib. He had whiplash from getting hit in the head. Dean was allowed to go back to see him. He found him asleep with his show clothes and boots sitting on the table by the bed. Dean sat down in the chair by the bed and twiddled his thumbs. He sent another text to Michael.

 

**_Dean Winchester_ **

_ No internal bleeding, but he has a bad concussion, whiplash, and a cracked rib. Doc says he needs to be monitored for the next week. _

 

**_Michael Novak (Heaven’s Gait)_ **

_ At the hospital? _

 

**_Dean Winchester_ **

_ They’re keeping him overnight, but he’ll go home tomorrow _

 

**_Michael Novak (Heaven’s Gait)_ **

_ Damn. He lives alone _

 

Dean furrowed his brows at that. Wasn’t Michael family?

 

**_Michael Novak (Heaven’s Gait)_ **

_ I’ll send you an extra check. Do you have a spare bedroom? _

 

No fucking way. Dean groaned and rubbed his face. The money would be nice...but he really didn’t feel like babysitting for a week.

 

**_Dean Winchester_ **

_ Yeah _

 

**_Michael Novak (Heaven’s Gait)_ **

_ Perfect. I’ll leave it to you then _

 

Dean was in shock. He set his phone aside and looked at Castiel. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw blue eyes staring back at him. “Jesus! You’re awake?”

 

“I suppose...Meg, is Meg okay?”

 

“Yeah, one of your students, the blonde guy, he took care of her.”

 

“Was anyone else hurt? Is there a trainer standing in for me? What about you? Who’s feeding?”

 

“Easy, it’s taken care of. Your brother seems to be managing the barn stuff. No one else was hurt.” 

 

Castiel nodded as much as he could with the cervical collar on and winced. “When can I get back on?”

 

Dean’s eyes widened. “Dude, you’re on full-time babysitting for a week. You have whiplash, a cracked rib, and a concussion. It’ll be a while.”

 

Castiel groaned. “I am  _ not _ spending a week in the hospital.”

 

“You’re not. You’re going home with me.” Dean felt like crap just from saying it. 

 

Castiel furrowed his brows. He seemed to go tense. “N-No, I...Text Michael. I can stay there.”

 

“I did. He asked me to let you stay with me.” 

 

Castiel sighed and closed his eyes, trying to sleep.

 

Dean leaned back in his chair and closed his own eyes. It was starting to get late and he was tired. The quiet murmur of the hospital lulled him into a light sleep, which was interrupted a few hours later by a nurse, who informed him that visiting hours were almost over and he needed to head home. He slipped his phone into his pocket and planned on coming back in the morning after morning check to bring Cas back to his apartment. He took an Uber back to the horse park to get Baby before driving back to his apartment.

 

~~~

 

The next morning, Dean did morning check an hour early so he could get to the hospital sooner. He brought some extra clothes for Cas in a backpack and went to his room. He found him still asleep, but the cervical collar was off now. Dean sat down in the chair. He looked at the tall boots by the bed and hummed. They were definitely expensive and custom, but how much? He looked up the brand, Tucci. Dean’s western show boots were expensive, nearly $250. Then he saw the base price for a pair of Tucci tall boots, $985. His jaw dropped. 

 

“What are you looking at?”

 

Dean startled and clutched his chest. “Goddamn, you scared the shit out of me. Nothing, I was just looking at my phone.”

 

Castiel rubbed his eyes. “Did you work this morning?”

 

“Yeah, I was at Ellen’s.”

 

Castiel looked at the clock. “It’s still seven am.” He groaned. 

 

“Not an early bird?”

 

“ _ God _ no.” Castiel closed his eyes to go back to sleep. 

 

Dean leaned back in his chair to wait for the doctors to clear Cas. One arrived a few hours later and gave Cas a full exam to make sure he was alright before clearing him to go home. Dean pushed Cas out of the hospital in a wheelchair. 

 

“Are you home all day?”

 

“Not really. I have night check at six, and on Tuesday I’ll be there for most of the afternoon.”

 

Castiel nodded. He fiddled with a stray thread on the t-shirt Dean had given him. 

 

Dean put the brakes on the wheelchair and opened the car door. He slid his hands under Cas’s arms to help him up, but he immediately stopped when Castiel jolted. 

 

“Don’t touch me!” 

 

Dean furrowed his brows. “Jesus, fine. I was just trying to help.” He watched with a frown as Cas slowly got up and got into the passenger seat. When he started up the car and the radio came on, Cas immediately turned the volume down. Dean just rolled his eyes and started driving. 

 

“We need to stop by my place first. I need my clothes and my things.” 

 

“Alright, where is it?”

 

“Turn right at the second light.”

 

Dean followed Castiel’s directions and pulled up onto the driveway of a cute townhouse with a large flower garden out front. It was extremely close to Heaven’s Gait. He didn’t try to get out and help Castiel, not after he tried to help him out of the wheelchair. If the guy was going to be stubborn, Dean would let him, as long as he didn’t hurt himself. Dean still got out of the car and followed Cas to make sure he didn’t fall or hurt himself. The inside of the house was just as clean as the barn. It was a fairly open concept place and had modern art hanging from the walls. Dean waited by the door while Castiel packed. 

 

Once Cas had his things, they got back into the car and Dean drove to his apartment. Dean led Castiel up the elevator and into his little place. It was rustic and homey on the inside, natural light flooding the softly carpeted floors. The couch looked extremely comfortable, so that’s where Castiel sat. 

 

Dean set Castiel’s bag beside the couch. “Can I get you something to eat?”

 

“Water and a sandwich with peanut butter and honey. Smooth peanut butter, preferably.”

 

Dean blinked at how specific that was, but he did have everything to make that. “Uhh, sure. Coming right up.” He made the sandwich in the kitchen and brought it back, setting the plate on the counter. He sat down in the chair beside the couch and sighed.

 

Castiel picked up the sandwich and started eating. “Why did you agreed to this?”

 

“I’m getting paid.” Dean shrugged.

 

“My brother is paying you to watch me?”

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah.”

 

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Ridiculous. I would be perfectly fine on my own.”

 

“Not really. You’re hurt, and a concussion is serious business. You have to sleep as much as you can, and you can’t overexert yourself.”

 

“You sound like Michael,” Cas grumbled. “Close the blinds.”

 

Dean got up with a huff. “You know, there’s a word called, “please”? It’s what you say when you want to be polite.” He closed the blinds. Cas did not look happy when he returned. They had a brief stare-down, eyes locked on each other. “What, never heard of common decency?”

 

“Has anyone ever called you an insensitive asshole? Because that’s what you’re being.”

 

“You’re being a bossy little brat.”

 

Castiel huffed. “Well, I’m sorry if my “people skills” aren’t up to your standards.”

 

Dean narrowed his eyes. Who the hell still uses air quotes? “Whatever, man. Just sleep so we can get this over with.” 

 

Castiel leaned back on the couch and continued eating. He felt his pockets and then looked around, wincing at the pain in his neck. “Where is my phone?”

 

“Dude, I have no idea. It’s your phone.”

 

“I can’t find it.”

 

Dean sighed and handed his own phone to Castiel. “Call yourself.” He didn’t even think about what he had as Castiel’s contact name, given that he didn’t remember how to spell his name.

 

Castiel looked up his own number in the phone and saw what his contact name was. He narrowed his eyes at Dean before calling his own phone. He heard it in his bag and got it out before changing his contact name to:  **Castiel Novak.** “I didn’t realize I was the “snobby trainer” as you put it.” He handed the phone back to Dean.

 

Dean blinked. He was embarrassed, but also annoyed. “You were snobby. I put a nickname next to everyone, except people I talk to every day.”

 

“Even your employer?”

 

“Uh, yeah, you’re not my employer. Michael is, and so is Ellen. Not you.”

 

Castiel huffed and rolled his eyes. “I cannot believe I’m stuck here for a week. I need to go  _ ride _ . I just started with a new dressage horse.”

 

Dean wasn’t surprised in the slightest to hear that Castiel did dressage. Mr. Fancy Pants had to get even fancier. “Hey, I have a horse to ride too, man.”

 

Castiel furrowed his brows. “You ride?”

 

Dean blinked. Well, if that wasn’t the most condescending thing he’d ever heard. “Uh, yeah. I do, and I’m damn good too, so you can keep your fancy pants and thousand dollar boots to yourself.”

 

“Well, I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. You never told me.” Castiel crossed his arms, a grumpy pout on his face. Dean was mad, but that little pout did things to him that he would never admit.

 

“Yeah, because I knew you’d be a dick about it.”

 

Castiel rolled his eyes. “I don’t know how you’ve gotten this impression of me, but I don’t like it.”

 

Dean knew why. He knew exactly why. Cas got under his skin because Dean liked him. He hated how he was perfect in every way, and Dean’s own self-esteem flipped the switch on him. Instead of pining like a normal person, he became envious and petty. Now, he would never admit to it, but deep down, it was there. Castiel wasn’t just attractive. From what Dean had seen, he had a quirky, deadpan sense of humor that Dean struggled not to laugh at, to hold up his annoyed front. He was a talented horseman and his students clearly looked up to him. It wasn’t fair. Dean couldn’t compete. Here he was, a beginner,  _ maybe _ novice barrel racer that needed to scrounge up cash for every show, and Castiel could wave his hand and get whatever he wanted. 

 

Dean got up in a huff and closed himself in his room. Sure, it was childish, but his emotions were bubbling up and he knew he couldn’t hold his wall of defense up any longer. He felt like shit. The only thing that looked appealing right now was his bed, and damn it if it wasn’t comfy as fuck to lie face down on it and relax.


	3. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this chapter! Make sure you read the endnotes if anything is confusing.

Dean’s alarm went off at six am the next morning. He grumbled and turned it off before getting up. He dressed in a t-shirt and a pair of worn-in jeans. He pulled on his work boots and a jacket before going to leave. He saw that Castiel had moved his things into the second bedroom, and he was up, dressed, and waiting. Dean stared for a moment. “You alright?”

 

Castiel stood up and picked up his boots. “Yes, I’m fine.” He walked to the door and looked back at Dean.

 

“Uhh, where are you going?”

 

“With you.”

 

Dean raised a brow. “I’m gonna have to veto that. You should be resting.”

 

“I’ll rest while you work, and then you’ll take me to Heaven’s Gait to check on everyone.”

 

Dean sighed. “They’re alright over there. Your brother is taking care of it.”

 

“I’ll just get an Uber for myself if you don’t take me.”

 

Dean huffed. “Fine, but you have to sit down while I work.” He grabbed his keys from the hook on the wall and walked out of his apartment, Castiel trailing behind him. He took the elevator to the bottom floor and walked out to his car. The drive to Ellen’s barn was short, no more than fifteen minutes. The longest part was the two miles of dirt road that made up the last section of the drive. Dean parked in his usual spot near the barn and looked at Castiel. “Stay put and rest.”

 

Dean walked into the barn and immediately got to work feeding and dropping hay. During the summer, most of the horses were in the pasture all night to give them plenty of grazing time where they didn’t have to be in the hot Texas sun. Dean always made sure the stalls had grain, hay, and water before getting the horses. He was able to bring them in groups of three, and he knew which ones got along to walk together. All he needed was a handful of grain and all of the horses would run to him and wait to come in.

 

He spotted Jo walking into the barn as he put the last of the horses in their stalls. “Morning.”

 

Jo walked over to Dean. “Morning.” She walked closer to whisper to Dean, “Is that Castiel in our tack room?”

 

“He’s in the tack room? Damn it.” Dean huffed and walked to the tack room, finding Castiel looking around. “Dude, I told you to wait in the car. You have to be resting.”

 

Castiel looked back at Dean. “I just wanted to see what the inside looked like. It’s pretty.” He looked over one of the saddles, which just so happened to be Leo’s. “This saddle is gorgeous. Circle S?”

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah...it is. C’mon and sit down. I just have to sweep out the halls and see if anyone needs longeing.”

 

Castiel followed Dean out of the tack room. “You can longe them?”

 

Dean had a chance right there to turn around and be sassy, but he was stuck with him for a week, so pissing him off may not be the best idea. “Yeah, I can. I do it almost every day.” He gestured to the bench by the crossties before grabbing his broom to start sweeping out the dirt. He saw Leo sticking his head out of the door towards him and smiled, running a hand over his face and brushing some grass out of his forelock. He swept the dust, hay, and dirt out of the main hall and outside into the grass.

 

Once the floors were clean, he helped Jo tack up her horse and walked with her out to the ring.

 

“How is he?”

 

Dean shrugged. “Fine, I guess. It was a nasty fall. He should be in bed back at my apartment, but he insisted on going to check on his barn.”

 

Jo nodded and gave Dean a wicked grin. “Is he in _your_ bed?”

 

Dean rolled his eyes and scoffed. “As if. He’s in the spare bedroom.”

 

“Mmhm.” Jo walked her horse into the ring and left Dean behind. Ash was here now too, so he could be around while Jo was riding. Ellen had a strict rule that no one was allowed to ride alone. It was a good rule. Dean left the ring and walked back into the barn. He saw Castiel laying down on the bench now, his head in his hands. Dean frowned and walked over to him, touching his shoulder. “Cas?”

 

Castiel jerked away. “Don’t touch me.” He slowly sat up. “I’m fine.” He was squinting at the bright light.

 

Dean had seen a concussion before, and it wasn’t from a fall...but he knew that light sensitivity was a symptom. “You really should be in the bedroom with the light off. It’ll feel better.”

 

“I can feel better once I know everyone’s okay.” That’s when Dean realized that Castiel’s hands were shaking.

 

“They are okay. Your brother is making sure of that.”

 

Castiel shook his head. “You don’t understand. I have to _know_ that it’s okay. You can’t just tell me.” He stood up and the shaking stopped. “Let’s go.”

 

Dean blinked and nodded. If the guy was this nervous, it only seemed like common decency to help him out. “Okay.” He led the way out of the barn and back to his car. He looked over at Castiel as he got into the car. “Is there anything else I can do?”

 

Cas scoffed. “Since when do you care?”

 

Dean frowned. “I’m letting you stay in my apartment, aren’t I? I stayed with you at the hospital.”

 

“Because my brother paid you. You hate me.”

 

God, Dean really was an asshole, wasn’t he? “Dude, I don’t hate you. It’s just...a shitty situation. I’m short on money. My little brother goes to fucking _Stanford_. I have my own shit to pay for too. I got to those fancy shows that you go to and I saw all of the expensive junk I could never afford. It made me mad, but not at you.”

 

Castiel seemed to let that sink in for a moment. “I’m sorry that I had the wrong impression of you. I do it to everyone. I can’t get it right. I don’t have good people skills, and I suppose it’s not really my fault, but no matter what I do, I don’t get better.”

 

“Dude, you’re really hard on yourself, and I thought I was bad. I was an asshole. I was rude and I deserve to be yelled at for it. You have every right to be frustrated. Let’s just go check up on your barn and get you home to rest, okay?”

 

Castiel seemed to relax at that. “Okay.”

 

~~~

 

Castiel felt his nerves finally calm down when he did a walk around the barn and asked how things were going. He felt like he could finally sleep. He didn’t say anything in the car on the way back to Dean’s apartment, ready to curl up in the second bedroom and sleep. Now that he wasn’t buzzing with anxiety like a live-wire, the pain had returned. Breathing in too deeply sent aches through his fractured rib. He was already a little sensitive to loud noises, but the concussion was making it so much worse, and it threw light sensitivity into the mix.

 

Walking up the stairs was a feat of itself. He went straight to the bed and laid down carefully on his non-bruised side. The bed was soft and so were the blankets, maybe not as nice as his own at home, but he liked it. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep with ease.

 

A few hours later, he woke up to the sound of a knock on the door. He rubbed his eyes. “Come in.” He looked at the door and saw Dean walking in carefully, making sure not to let too much light into the room.

 

“I brought lunch. I hope you like cheeseburgers. If you don’t, I can make something else.”

 

Castiel took a deep breath in and immediately he could smell the burger. Oh god, it smelled amazing. “It’s okay, the burger is good.” He took the plate when he was offered. “Thank you.” He stared up into Dean’s eyes. Wow, they really were green...Shit, how long had he been staring?! He quickly averted his eyes and took a large bite of his burger. Hopefully that wasn’t too weird. Judging by how quickly Dean left the room, it probably was too weird. Damn it. Dumb humans and their social guidelines that were impossible to follow. What greater curse than that to be human?

 

Once the burger was gone, Castiel was quick to go bad to sleep. He knew from experience that a head injury sucked the energy out of your entire body, and it was good to sleep in order to heal. When he woke up again, there was a plate with two slices of pizza on it and a note that said, “here’s dinner, -D”

 

Castiel ate the pizza and felt a little antsy. He got out of bed and opened the door. He peered into the living room, and that’s when he saw two people on the couch instead of one. Dean didn’t say anything about a guest? Who was he? Castiel stared from his cracked open door. The man next to Dean had light brown hair cut short. From when he turned his head slightly, Cas could tell that he had a scruffy beard. The guy was big and broad, maybe an inch shorter than Dean, which would put him right at Castiel’s height. Castiel listened to him laugh and talk. He had a southern drawl that Cas couldn’t quite place yet. Maybe Louisiana? Mississippi? It didn’t sound eastern enough for any states further that way. Then the man put his arm around Dean’s shoulders. They were both laughing now. Castiel clenched his fist...wait, why? He barely knew Dean. He couldn’t watch anymore. He quietly closed his door and sat down on the bed.

 

Wincing at the pain in his chest, he decided to check it out. He took his shirt off and looked at himself in the mirror. The entire side of his upper body was covered in purple, blue and black splotches. He had landed hard on his side, his upper body taking the entire impact. It looked nasty, and it felt nasty. Cas laid back down on the bed, trying to sort through his stupid thoughts. Was he...jealous? No, no way. He knew this guy for two weeks. He can’t get jealous over him. Fuck him and his green eyes, freckled cheeks, warm smile...he really was screwed.

 

~~~

 

Dean let his head fall onto Benny’s shoulder as they laughed about some stupid joke from Parks and Recreation. Maybe he had one too many beers, who knew? All he knew is that he needed this stress relief with his best friend. He kept the volume on the TV low to keep from disturbing Castiel, because even when he was drunk, he could be a nice guy.

 

Benny tipped back his beer bottle and looked at Dean. “You got any hot dates lately, cher?”

 

Dean chuckled. “Nah, just focusing on the horses, y’know? Gotta keep practicing.”

 

“How’s Leo?”

 

“Perfect. He was kind of an ass last week during my lesson and refused to have any damn momentum for a while, but it was a good workout so I’ll take that.”

 

Benny chuckled. “Any news on the dick you’re working weekends with?”

 

Dean glanced back at the second bedroom door. “Uhhh, yeah, he’s in there.”

 

“Wait, the concussed rider you have crashing here is the trainer you’ve been talkin’ shit about?”

 

“Shhh! Yes, okay? Apparently his brother won’t let him stay with him, so I’m babysitting instead. It’s not that bad. We argue, but I don’t hate him.”

 

Benny chuckled. “I know you never hated him.”

 

Dean furrowed his brows. “Bullshit. I complained to you the most out of anyone.”

 

“Yeah, which you only do when you’re absolutely head-over-heels for someone. Last person I remember was Lisa, and we _all_ know how that ended.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes. “I don’t _like-_ like him. He’s just...this dorky, kinda weird, socially awkward guy.”

 

“Mmhm. What else?”

 

“Uhhh…” Dean wasn’t _that_ drunk...yet, but this was Benny. “Blue eyes, dark hair, kinda scruffy, but not as much as you. It’s more stubble.”

 

Benny laughed. “Yeah, you’re fucked. Does he bat for your team?”

 

“No idea. Maybe? I dunno. We had a weird staring moment earlier today. He wouldn’t look away, so I didn’t look away...Yeah.”

 

Benny hummed. “Feel it out. Flirt a bit, see what happens. Get to know him, throw in a few of those classic Dean pick-up lines. See where it goes. From what I’ve heard you two bicker like an old married couple.”

 

Dean elbowed Benny in the arm. “No, we don’t!”

 

“From what you’ve told me, you sound like two old men on the front porch of the nursing home, yelling at each other but still bein’ all mushy and holding hands.”

 

“Sometimes I hate you.”

 

“Right back at ya.” Benny took another swig of his beer.

 

~~~

 

Dean woke up the next morning sleeping on his stomach in his bed, still in yesterday’s clothes. From how he was angled, it was pretty clear that Benny had dumped him here last night. Thank god he didn’t have to work today, because he probably would have been late. Dean rolled over and took in a deep breath as he stretched. He could smell something delicious coming from the kitchen and he grinned widely. He got out of bed and wandered into the kitchen, finding Benny flipping some golden brown french toast. Fuck, that smelled good. “Benny, I love you.”

 

Benny chuckled. “Doll, you told me you hated me last night.”

 

“Shuddup. It’s how I show affection.”

 

“Ooh, you must _really_ like that trainer then.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes and groaned. “Hurry up and feed me before I waste away.”

 

Benny gestured to the table. “Your food is over there. This is for your crush.”

 

“His name is Cas.”

 

“Alright then, this is for Cas. You’re taking it to him.”

 

Dean sat down at the table. “Are you trying to wingman me?”

 

“Maybe. Lord knows you need it.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes and started eating. When Benny set the plate of french toast for Cas down on the counter, he got up and took the plate to the second bedroom. He knocked on the door and heard a grumble in response. He opened the door slowly. “Mornin’.” He walked over to the side table. “I have breakfast.”

 

Castiel rubbed his eyes and sat up, the blankets falling off of his upper body. He hadn’t put his shirt back on last night, and he wasn’t really thinking about it.

 

Dean tried not to stare, but good lord Castiel looked good. Did he work out? Surely he did. Those arms were fucking sinful. Then his eyes moved to his side, and he saw the bruises. “Holy shit, man, that looks like it hurts.”

 

“It does.” Castiel took the plate. “Did you cook?”

 

“No, my friend Benny made this. He’s a good cook.”

 

“He spent the night?”

 

Dean saw those puppy eyes and suddenly he felt really guilty. “Oh, wait, were we too loud? Shit, I tried to keep the TV quiet-”

 

“No, you weren’t too loud. I couldn’t hear you. I just didn’t know he was coming, is all.”

 

“Oh...I’m sorry, I should have told you he was coming. That was a dick move, wasn’t it? He’s heading out to work after he finishes eating.”

 

Castiel shrugged a little. “It’s okay.”

 

Dean shifted a little. “Can I get you anything?”

 

“I think I’m alright.”

 

Dean nodded. He reached out, pausing before he touched Castiel’s shoulder. “This okay?”

 

Castiel looked at Dean’s hand and then back at him. He nodded.

 

Dean smiled softly and gave Castiel’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. He left the room to let Castiel eat in peace. He plopped down at the table and started eating again.

 

~~~

 

Dean was lounging on the couch, watching the Syfy channel as he ate some popcorn as an afternoon snack. He heard the second bedroom door creak open and looked back over his shoulder. “Hey.”

 

“Hello.”

 

Dean put his legs back on the floor. “You doing alright?”

 

Castiel walked over to the living room and looked at the TV. “A little better, yes. I was getting bored with sleeping.”

 

Dean nodded. “I’m watching this documentary about alien abductions. I can change the channel.”

 

“This is fine.” Castiel sat down on the couch and glanced at the bowl of popcorn in Dean’s hands.

 

Dean chuckled softly and set the bowl between them. “You can have some.”

 

Castiel picked up a handful and started eating. “Thank you.” There were a few minutes of silence between them before Castiel spoke again. “I feel like I need to explain my behavior.”

 

“You don’t owe me an explanation for anything, I owe you, but if it would make you feel better, I’m all ears.”

 

“Oh, well I have trouble sometimes with social cues. I’ve known since I was a child that I’ve had autism. That’s how I started riding. My parents sent me to a therapy barn for lessons, and I never stopped. On some weekends where I’m not at the local horse park, I volunteer at shows tailored for children with special needs. In my case, I don’t have very apparent symptoms at times, but the one that I think you’ve noticed the most is my sensitivity to touch. When someone touches me before I have time to process it, I react strongly, as you’ve seen. It’s not that I don’t ever want to be touched, it’s just that I feel so aware of it that it startles me when it happens out of nowhere. Does that make sense?”

 

Dean blinked in surprise. He wasn’t expecting that. “Yeah, yeah that makes sense. There are shows like that nearby? That’s actually really cool.”

 

Castiel nodded. By the way his face lit up a little, Dean knew he was excited about them. “They really are amazing. It’s similar to the shows I do, and they have some western classes for the children that train under that discipline. It’s really amazing to watch and rewarding to help with it. I take my students to the shows and have them work there, cleaning stalls and grooming horses.”

 

Dean smiled softly. Seeing Castiel excited about something was kind of adorable. “So you started riding as a kid?”

 

“I did. There are trainers with degrees in occupational therapy that provide hippotherapy lessons. I took lessons to focus on communication, which tends to be where I don’t do as well.”

 

“You’re doing good now.”

 

“Thank you, but it was much harder as a child. I’ve been fortunate enough to have the horses. My anxiety is, to me, the symptom I’ve struggled with the most.”

 

Dean nodded. “If there’s anything I can do to help, just ask. I wouldn’t have brought Benny over if it was going to make you anxious. You’re supposed to be resting and relaxing here.”

 

“Benny didn’t make me anxious. It was just...a surprise.”

 

“If surprises bother you, you should probably know my schedule then. On Thursday I have a lesson after morning check, so I’ll be gone longer. Then on Friday, I’ll be gone pretty much all day, so I might bring you with me. I have to load the trailer and get Leo schooled later in the afternoon.”

 

Castiel sat up. “Wait, you show?”

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I only started riding a little more than six months ago. Jo made me start, and I really like it.”

 

Castiel’s face lit up. “What do you show in? Do you own or lease a horse?”

 

“Barrel racing. I’m trying out reining in lessons, but right now just barrels. I lease Leo. He was the chestnut quarter horse with a star and a white nose.”

 

“Oh, I think I saw him there. Could I come to watch your lesson? I won’t say anything or try to get in the way. I just want to see how he moves and how you ride if that’s okay.”

 

“Sure, but I’ll warn you, we don’t ride like your fancy English riders.”

 

Castiel furrowed his brows. “What do you mean by that?”

 

“You guys have all of the fancy stuff.”

 

“The only differences between English and Western are superficial. The equitation is a little different but based on the same basic principles. We use different saddles and we compete in different ways. Western can be just as “fancy” as English. Have you seen those sparkly shirts? I’d even say that in some ways, Western is showier than English.”

 

Dean had to sit and think about that for a moment. He was totally right. “I haven’t thought about it that way.”

 

“One discipline isn’t better than the other. Both have their issues and bad people, but at the core of every discipline, is a love of riding and horses.”

 

Dean smiled softly. “That’s some profound shit right there.”

 

Castiel gave a soft smile back. “It’s true.” He ate some more popcorn. “Honestly, I’m surprised you aren’t asking more questions about me.”

 

“What about you?”

 

“I just told you that I have autism.”

 

Dean blinked. “And…? I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to be asking about. I barely know anything about it, and I guess it just doesn’t really feel like it’s any of my business. It doesn’t change what I think about you. You’re just this perfect rider with a cool side job volunteering, and maybe you don’t get some social stuff, but to me it’s charming. You’re just Cas. You don’t have to be “the guy that has autism”. That stuff doesn’t define who you are. You just keep being you, okay?”

 

“You...think I’m charming?”

 

Dean felt his cheeks heat up. “Yeah, the way you talk, and stuff. It’s nice.” Wow, Dean. Smooth.

 

“Thank you...Also, I’m far from a perfect rider. Did you forget that I fell off the other day?”

 

“Everyone falls off. Also, you got bucked off. That’s different.”

 

Castiel furrowed his brows slightly in thought. “I suppose, but my point stands. I’m not perfect. I’ve been riding for eighteen years, so I’ve just had a lot of practice.”

 

“Damn. That’s a long ass time.” He ate another handful of popcorn. “Maybe we should eat some actual food for lunch.”

 

“Protein would be wise.”

 

Dean chuckled softly. “Alright, lemme see what I can whip up.”

 

After that conversation, Dean felt lighter. Hearing Castiel’s excitement about volunteering and coming to Dean’s lesson and show really made Dean like him more. He liked the way he spoke and explained things, he liked how the corners of his mouth curved up slightly whenever he talked about something he was excited about. Oh god, Dean was so, utterly, fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Update: I changed the label from Asperger's to autism. I felt weird about it now that I'm more aware of the community and the push to use the autism label. I know some people still use the Asperger's label, which is perfectly valid if that's what you want to use for yourself! But, for this story I think sticking with the autism label is best. Cheers**  
> So, why autism? One of my childhood best friends is autistic, so I've grown up around it. I'm a major science nerd. I'm a Biology major, but I love psychology too. I based Castiel and his experience with autism off of what my friend has experienced. An important thing to note is that there are a million different ways to experience it. Everyone is a little different when it comes to any kind neuro condition. I've honestly been scared to post this, because I want this to be right. My friend is very dear to me and I want to do this justice. As for the reason why, I think it works with Castiel's character, and I've wanted to write about this for a long time. Also, there is not NEARLY enough representation for anything associated with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Y'all deserve some love. You're great and you're doing amazing. Here are some resources so you can read about Asperger's if you're interested.  
> [An overview ](https://autismcitizen.org/autism-a-learners-guide/asperger-syndrome/?gclid=Cj0KCQiAh9njBRCYARIsALJhQkGAAheF6X62EL1k4CGPl3g1A04AQyuT0mB-q7h2lpaSTF-gNtwxAkgaAraZEALw_wcB)  
> [Reading Resources](https://autisticadvocacy.org/resources/)


	4. Understanding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I took a brief mental health hiatus that was very much needed.  
> Before we get started, I have to give a very important shoutout to [casbean](http://casbean.tumblr.com) because they have been so amazing in helping me tackle a subject that I'm still learning in. You're missing out if you haven't seen their works. Go now. I implore you.

Dean left after lunch to go exercise Leo while Castiel slept. He could stay long enough to do night check and then bring home dinner. It sounded like a pretty good plan.

 

Only, it seemed that Leo really didn’t feel like working today. He was fine when Dean got on, but when he wouldn’t move forward, Dean would squeeze with his legs, or kick if he really wasn’t listening. Leo decided he had enough and decided that his career as a barrel racer was over. He wanted to be the bucking bronco now. By some miracle, Dean stayed on...barely. He was nearly off the side by the time he got Leo under control. He sat up straight while Jo teased him from the fence. She knew he was okay, so now she could make fun of Dean to lighten the mood.

 

Dean finished his ride strong, so he felt good about it. Jo helped him with some of his barn chores so that he could go pick up dinner for Castiel. Dean got Chinese food from his favorite take-out spot and brought it back to his apartment.

 

Dean found Castiel sitting on the couch and watching TV. Dean plopped down next to him and handed him his food.

 

“How was your ride?”

 

“Good, but I nearly got bucked off. I got it back under control, but it wasn’t fun at the time.”

 

“Please don’t get bucked off, at least not this week. I’m a terrible babysitter.”

 

Dean opened up his carton of Mongolian beef and fried rice with a chuckle. “You calling me a baby?”

 

“What? No, you told me when I first came here that you were babysitting me. I’m just saying that in my current state I can’t really return the favor.”

 

“It’s alright, buddy. I’m just messing with you. You said you like sesame chicken, right?”

 

Castiel nodded. He took one chopstick, stabbed a piece of chicken, and ate it. “I do.”

 

Dean snorted, dissolving into uncontrollable laughter.

 

“What?”

 

“Do you not know how to use chopsticks?”

 

Castiel’s cheeks turned pink. “No, but you didn’t give me a fork, so I improvised.”

 

Dean opened the bag and pulled out a plastic fork. “Here, use this. To be honest, I’m not good at them either.”

 

Castiel took the fork with a gentle smile. “Thank you.”

 

The rest of the evening passed without event. Castiel went to bed early, leaving Dean alone. He ended up on his laptop, scrolling mindlessly through the Facebook account he rarely used. He started thinking about Castiel telling him about his diagnosis. He didn’t know a lot about it, so maybe some research was in order. As he looked around online, he took in as much information as he could.

 

The main thing was that the differences between cases were sometimes called more “mild or severe” but that really, that wasn’t a good way to say it. There was no end to the spectrum that was “better” or “worse.” It was more like the ends of the color spectrum. One end wasn’t considered the bottom, and the other wasn’t considered the top, it’s all just different. Each color had different qualities and tones; some were combinations of each other, some stood on their own without a lot of qualities of other colors. Reading about people’s experiences really opened Dean’s eyes. He took this newfound knowledge in stride as he went to bed.

 

The next morning, Dean made bacon and eggs for breakfast before he had to go do morning check. While he cooked, Castiel emerged from the second bedroom in jeans and a t-shirt. His hair was all disheveled and sticking up. It was kind of adorable.

 

“Morning, Cas. I’m surprised you’re up this early.”

 

“I wanted to come with you to your lesson. It’s after morning check today, right?”

 

“Oh yeah, you did say that yesterday. Yeah, my lesson is at ten. It’ll be in the covered ring to hide from the sun. It’s hot as hell today.” He handed Castiel his plate. “So, um, I was just curious, and I did some research last night.”

 

Castiel tilted his head, taking the plate. “About what?”

 

“Autism, and Asperger’s. I don’t have any personal experience with it, so I wanted to know more.”

 

Castiel stared for a moment. He looked surprised for a moment and then touched. “That’s...really nice of you. If you ever have any questions, you can ask me. I don’t mind.”

 

Dean nodded and smiled softly. “I will.” He picked up his plate and started eating with a hum. “I should warn you before my lesson, Ellen is pretty intense. Her daughter, Jo, is in my lesson, and she’s definitely harder on her than she is on me. She’s great, though.”

 

Castiel smiled and nodded. “I’m much harder on my family members too. My cousin, Balthazar, I’m usually very hard on him. He has an enormous ego, and I try to take him down a peg when he gets too egotistical.”

 

Dean blinked in realization. “Some of your students are family members?”

 

“Balthazar and Anna are my cousins. Balthazar has trouble seeing past blue ribbons. If he wins a class, he stops trying for a while, because he thinks he’s suddenly the best rider in the world. He has beautiful form, so judges usually place him highly. Sometimes it’s not entirely deserved. With a lot of people in the ring, the judge doesn’t see everything. For example, at the first show you worked with us, he got second on the flat. During his ride, he was on the wrong lead at first, then he cross-cantered for a while, and finally, he fixed it. The judge didn’t see it. Usually, I’m not harsh about wrong leads, it can just be bad luck, but he didn’t set his horse up at all. The way he was riding, he really set him up for the incorrect lead. So when he got second, I had to make sure it didn’t get to his head and that he knew that he still had things to work on.”

 

That certainly made things a lot more clear for Dean. He nodded along. “Full disclosure, when Balthazar came out of the ring, all I heard was you say that he deserved fifth. That’s why your name was ‘snobby trainer’ on my phone. I didn’t know the full context, and I probably should have asked.”

 

“Ah, I can see how that would sound bad. Sorry about that.”

 

“Don’t apologize, I was the one who had a weird thing against you. That’s my own issue.” Dean finished his breakfast. He pulled his boots on and grabbed his keys. “Ready?”

 

Castiel nodded. “Ready.” He followed Dean out of the apartment and down to the car. He felt pretty good today, save for the dull ache in the side of his chest from his ribs. His head felt fine, as long as he didn’t stare at the bright sun, which was still rising.

 

~~~

 

Dean tacked up for his lesson with Castiel watching from the bench near the crossties. Ellen led Dean and Jo out to the ring, Castiel trailing behind them.

 

Dean buckled the strap on his helmet and got on with a hum. He saw Jo get on from the other mounting block without a helmet, and he knew exactly what was about to happen.

 

“Joanna Beth, if you don’t put your damn helmet on I’ll beat you with this crop!”

 

“Christ, I’ll get it, mom!” She rode over to the side of the ring and grabbed her helmet off the fence. She put it on and buckled it. “Happy?”

 

“Yeah, I am. Get walking.”

 

Dean snickered a bit and smiled as he started walking around the ring. He did some figure eights and circles to get Leo to stretch in both directions. He clicked his tongue when Ellen asked for a trot. Leo responded pretty well to vocal cues, but he was pretty lazy sometimes, so he needed some leg aid to get going.

 

Ellen watched Dean. “You’re standing in your stirrups. Drop them. You don’t need them.”

 

Dean held back a groan. He hated no stirrup work, but he knew it was good for him. He dropped his stirrups and squeezed his thighs around the saddle to keep himself balanced. When he glanced at the fence, he saw Ellen and Castiel talking. It looked like they were getting along. Dean smiled a bit and kept riding.

 

Dean practiced around the barrels towards the end of his lesson. Just when he was out of breath and sore and hoped it was over, they kept going. There was still ten minutes left in his lesson.

 

“Come on, Dean, few more rounds, and you’ll be done.” Ellen watched. “Canter around the ring. I need you to get your seat stronger.”

 

Dean nodded and did as he was told, breathing through it. Around the barrels, he was usually off Leo’s back slightly so he could gallop full speed, but in the canter, he sat fully and had to move with him. He always felt like his upper body looked weird and floppy.

 

“You need to engage your core. Think about tucking your rear underneath you slightly, and feel your abs tighten. It’ll keep you stable.”

 

Dean glanced over at the fence. That was Castiel speaking. He blinked before trying what Castiel said, and he felt his core tighten. His entire upper body stabilized, and he didn’t feel as floppy. Now, he felt stronger, but it did take a little more effort.

 

He walked a few laps around the ring after his lesson ended to let Leo cool down. He hopped off and walked out of the ring, smiling softly when he saw Castiel waiting by the gate. “Hey. Thanks for the advice. It helped a lot.”

 

“No problem. I asked Ellen if it would be okay for me to say it, and she said yes.”

 

Dean walked into the barn. “You two seemed like you got along.”

 

Castiel nodded. “I like how she teaches. She works you guys hard, which is good. It makes you stronger.” He ran his hand along Leo’s neck. “He was amazing. He seems like a great teacher.”

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah, he is. He puts up with my shit all the time.” He led him back to the cross ties and untacked. He cleaned his saddle and oiled the leather to make it pretty for the show. He bathed Leo while Castiel watched from the bench before taking him back to his stall.

 

Once he was done at the barn, he went through a fast food drive-thru for burgers. Castiel and Dean ate them while leaning against the hood of the Impala.

 

“Do you want a tour of Heaven’s Gait? We’re not very far. I promise I won’t try to ride. I can introduce you to the horses.”

 

Dean smiled softly. “Sure. I’ve met Meg, but that’s about it.”

 

“We have twelve horses in total. I’ll show you around.”

 

Once their burgers were finished, they got back into the car, and Dean drove to Heaven’s Gait. Dean noticed that Castiel was quiet once they got there. “You alright?”

 

“Yeah, my chest is just hurting. I’ll be alright.”

 

Dean opened the glove box and pulled out a bottle of over-the-counter painkillers. “Here, take these. It should help.”

 

“Thank you.” Castiel swallowed the pills with the water he got from the fast food restaurant. He got out of the car to lead the way into the barn. “We’ve had this property for ten years since I was seventeen. I completed my training certification in English discipline when I was twenty-two. Right now I’m being trained in dressage. I have a local trainer commuting out here for my lessons.”

 

Dean smiled softly. “That’s really cool.”

 

Castiel seemed much more in his element here. “I started riding lessons when I was nine.” He led the way into the barn and stopped at the first stall. “This is Poppy. She’s Anna’s horse.”

 

Dean looked into the stall and saw a chestnut mare with a blaze. She looked at them with a mouthful of hay, making Dean smile as he watched her. “Cute.” He followed Castiel to the next stall.

 

“You know Meg already. I’ve had her for three years.” Castiel opened the window to her stall and pet her face. “She’s extremely hot-headed, but if you have a soft hand and a calm seat, she’ll do anything for you. It’s funny, I didn’t think she’d be a great jumper at first. She’s very drafty, and I thought she would be too heavy. Then she bolted with me and jumped the fence around the ring, which is four feet tall. I started her over some smaller jumps, and she was perfect. We’ve worked really hard to get to where we are now. Her temperament has really improved, so we’ve debuted in the hunter ring this year.”

 

Dean nodded. “This may sound bad to ask, but do you...give her anything to go into the hunter ring?”

 

“Oh, you mean sedatives or calming agents? No, we don’t really use those here. I do have some, but the only time I would ever think to use them would be if there was a safety concern. Meg gets anxious during thunderstorms, so I give her a little something to help keep her calm in her stall. She’ll start rearing and pacing during a bad storm, which worries me that she’ll hurt herself.”

 

“That makes sense. I don’t think I have much of a problem with it when it’s back at home and like you said, there’s some kind of safety concern, but it irks me when I see horses at shows that are all drugged up.”

 

“Me too. It doesn’t feel very fair, does it?” Castiel closed the window on Meg’s stall. He led the way around the remaining ten stalls, introducing Dean to every horse. It was clear that Castiel loved all of them dearly, and he knew every detail about them. The last horse was a large bay named Dance.

 

“This is the horse I’ve been learning dressage on. He’s a Hanoverian, so he’s fairly large at 16.3 hands.”

 

“Can I ask a stupid question?”

 

Castiel smiled softly. “No such thing. Ask away.”

 

“How big is a hand? I’ve always been afraid to ask.”

 

Castiel chuckled. “That’s not a stupid question. A hand is four inches. So 16.3 is 64 inches plus three inches, so he’s 67 inches tall, at the shoulder.”

 

Dean nodded, happy with his new understanding. “Nice. Thanks.” He watched Castiel, admiring how happy he looked. The confidence around him was radiating and it put butterflies in Dean’s stomach. The sun made the blue pools of his eyes shine brighter than Dean had ever seen. He swallowed, building up a little confidence. “Hey, Cas?”

 

Castiel looked over at Dean. “Yes?”

 

“Can I take you out to dinner tonight? Like, somewhere nice.”

 

Castiel looked confused for a moment. “Are you asking me on a date?”

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah.”

 

There was a second where Castiel looked excited, but then his expression changed and he shook his head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to give the wrong impression. I don’t think we should do that. I’m sorry.” His gaze stayed down, and he started quickly walking back to the car.

 

Dean felt his heart drop to his stomach. It was just an offer, rejection shouldn’t have hurt this bad. Then, there was the guilt of asking in the first place; Castiel looked so uncomfortable. Great, now he made things awkward. Was there anything Dean Winchester couldn’t fuck up?

 

With a sigh, he walked back to the car and found Castiel in the passenger seat, wringing his hands and staring at his own feet. Dean got into the driver’s seat. “I’ll just...order a pizza when we get back.”

 

Castiel nodded, not giving a verbal response.

 

Dean started up the car and drove back to his apartment, guilt and rejection lingering in his chest. It hurt, even more, when Castiel retreated to the second bedroom as soon as they entered the apartment. Dean plopped himself down onto the couch and sighed heavily, dragging his hands over his face. That was stupid, so stupid. He should have talked more and made sure Castiel would have actually been interested before just asking him. It was a moment of weakness, he supposed. Thank god there were only three more days with Castiel. As much as he wanted them to be friends, surely he just ruined everything.

 

Dean went to bed early that night after his pizza, knowing he had to be up soon to pack up for the show, but despite this, he couldn’t sleep.


	5. Finally...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changing tags with this chapter as stuff happens. This one was difficult, but I think you'll like it.

With the new awkward atmosphere in the apartment, Dean was half-dreading the show this weekend. He kind of hoped Castiel would stay in the apartment to avoid having to interact with him after the blatant rejection he had yesterday.

 

Though, it seemed that Dean didn’t have that kind of luck today. Castiel was awake and in the living room when Dean emerged from his room, ready to go. He gave an awkward smile. “You okay with drive-thru breakfast? We have to be there pretty soon.”

 

Castiel nodded. “Sounds alright to me.” He seemed virtually unaffected by what happened yesterday. Maybe he didn’t really care that much.

 

Dean felt even more dejected. Castiel wasn’t even upset. This just sucked. He grabbed his keys and walked out the door, listening for Castiel’s footsteps behind him. He had a pissy look on his face as he got into the car and began the drive to the barn. He could feel Castiel’s eyes on him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at him. Not now. 

 

The morning was a blur. Dean bathed horses and loaded the trailer while Castiel talked with Jo. Dean didn’t let himself wonder what they were talking about. Jo would probably tease him about his rejection later. Whatever. Maybe making it a joke would feel better. He looked at Leo as he led him into the trailer. “Sucks, huh? Don’t worry, I won’t bring my shit into my riding.” He hopped off the trailer and saw Jo getting into the passenger seat of the truck. 

 

“You drivin’ cutie over there?” Ellen grinned at Dean, head leaning out of the truck window. 

 

“Oh, uh, yeah. I’ve got him. C’mon, Cas.” He walked over to his car, hearing Castiel follow him. 

 

“You’re quiet. Jo says that when you’re quiet I should try to make you talk.”

 

Dean glanced at Castiel. “Huh? I’m fine. I’m not quiet.”

 

“Oh. Okay.”

 

Dean saw Castiel wringing his hands and sighed. “Sorry. I just didn’t sleep well.”

 

“Is this about yesterday, what you asked me?”

 

Dean twisted his hands on the steering wheel. “No.”

 

Castiel looked at Dean, and then at his hands again. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Please, just stop apologizing. I already feel pathetic. Just be quiet.” Dean immediately felt horrible for saying that, but he couldn’t stand to hear Castiel’s voice right now. He was silent for the rest of the drive to the park. 

 

~~~

 

Dean always hated the schooling ring. It was so many horses practicing in one ring, all different skills and going different speeds. Dean got on from a mounting block with a helmet on and moved into the ring. He moved around carefully, keeping a careful eye out for the other horses. He trotted around and went around the barrels when that ring was free. When he looked at the side of the ring, he saw Castiel watching him. He came out of the ring and took Leo back to the stall. He rinsed him off and dropped food and hay for all of the horses. 

 

“Do you need help?” Castiel asked, watching Dean work.

 

“No, I’ve got it. You should still be resting.”

 

“Right.” Castiel found a bench and sat down to wait.

 

Dean cleaned up around the area and talked to Ellen about his schedule for tomorrow. He needed to be there pretty early in the morning to work and help get ready. He needed to be dressed and ready by nine, and in the ring around 9:30. Knowing show schedules, it would end up being around 10:30 before he was in the ring. Horse shows were a game of ‘hurry up and wait’. 

 

Dean found Castiel when he was ready to go and saw him typing on his phone. “Ready?”

 

“Yeah...I’m going home. Thank you for letting me stay. I know the doctors said a week, but I won’t be driving and I’ll have Balthazar or Anna visit me at least once a day to make sure I’m alright. I still want to see you show, so I’ll be here in the morning to watch.”

 

“Oh, are you sure?”

 

“I’m sure. I’m pretty homesick at this point and ready to be back in my usual environment.”

 

“Okay, we can go get your stuff and then I’ll drive you home.” Dean unlocked the car and got in. 

 

Castiel got into the passenger seat. “I can just get an Uber-”

 

“No, I’ll drive you. I don’t trust those rideshare apps anyways.”

 

“They’re perfectly safe and I can defend myself.”

 

Dean shrugged and began the drive back to his house. He was quiet, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. He shouldn’t have made things so uncomfortable. Castiel was still in recovery from an injury, what a shitty time to ask him out. Gathering Castiel’s things out of his apartment almost felt like him moving out after a breakup. 

 

He needed a few directions to Castiel’s place, not having remembered where exactly it was. There was a silent moment in the car where neither of them spoke.

 

“Dean?” Castiel broke the silence.

 

Dean looked over at Castiel. “Yeah?” As soon as Dean’s face was pointing at him, Castiel leaned forward and pressed a small kiss to his lips. 

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Castiel quickly exited the car, leaving Dean frozen in place. The front door closed, and Dean was still staring at the passenger seat.

 

The emotions running through Dean went up and down as he drove. First there was confusion: why did Castiel do that? Next was elation: oh my god, Castiel kissed him. Lastly, there was anger: why did Castiel reject him and then kiss him? Was he just toying with Dean? The anger stuck with Dean for the rest of the day, making him huffy as he made his own dinner and showered. He cussed out his shampoo bottle for slipping out of his hands. 

 

His sleep was restless, and mixed into his angry dreams were flashes of scenes of Castiel under him, on top of him, and everything in between. Those arms would be the death of him. 

 

The next morning, Dean shoveled cereal into his mouth before driving to the horse park. He had to make himself calm down. Angry energy on a horse was bad news. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt Leo just because of his dumb relationship issues. He did morning check at their reserved stalls. Their three horses were happy to be fed and given some attention. Leo was especially affectionate. He used Dean’s ass as a scratching post for his face. 

 

Dean got dressed in a white shirt that had black, shiny embellishments around the chest and collar area. His jeans were clean and well-fitted, and he had on full leather chaps. He situated his hat on his head and tacked Leo up. Shockingly, the show was running mostly on time. Dean was out of the schooling ring and waiting for his turn around the barrels by 9:45. He waited anxiously, twiddling with a piece of fringe on his shirt. Maybe Castiel had a point about western clothes. Speaking of, he said he would be here, not that Dean cared...at all. He looked at the bleachers by the ring, and sitting in them, he saw Castiel, Anna, and Balthazar. Dean swallowed nervously, knowing Anna and Balthazar had never seen him ride. This would be fine. It was fine. 

 

When Dean’s number was called, he got into position at the end of the path leading to the ring. He shifted into position and clucked his tongue. Leo took off into the ring. Dean swung around the first barrel and kept his eyes on the next one. As soon as they were there, his eyes were on the last barrel. Leo came around it and ran top speed back to the entrance. There was an electric eye device at the entrance that timed Dean down to the second. He came in at 29.18 seconds, and he was extremely proud of that time. It was an awesome time for his level of riding and his division, and given that this was a massive ring, he covered a lot of ground in very little time.

 

Six other riders were in Dean’s division. Dean watched the times and beamed when he was announced as first place. Ellen, Jo, and Ash were there to hug him and give Leo all the pets he deserved for being so good.

 

Jo won second in her division, and Ellen won third in her reining class. It was a great day. Dean gave Leo the luxurious bath he deserved and put him back in his stall. While he was there, someone approached him.

 

“Hello, Dean. Congratulations.” 

 

Dean turned and saw Castiel standing there. “Oh, hey. Thanks.”

 

“You had an awesome round.”

 

“Thanks. It felt good.” There was a more-than-healthy amount of awkward tension in the area. “I guess I’ll see you around?”

 

Castiel nodded, putting his hands in his pockets. “I guess so. Take care.”

 

Dean watched Castiel leave before making himself turn away. He had no idea if Castiel would ever ask for him to work for Heaven’s Gait again, and part of him secretly hoped he’d get a text, telling him to come back.

 

But the text never came.

 

~~~

Dean thought he’d be over Castiel after three weeks, but nope. He found himself staring at his phone three Thursdays in a row, waiting for Castiel to ask him to work. The texts never came. This weekend was Dean’s next show, and this was a much larger one, so there was a lot more prep. Dean even bought a new, blue shirt to wear (definitely no inspiration coming from anywhere). 

 

The show was bigger than the last, and Dean’s division had sixteen people instead of seven. There were way more volunteers too. Dean watched a few people go around the barrels while he waited for his turn. Someone knocked a barrel over, so when they were out of the way, someone ran in to set it up. Dean couldn’t believe who he saw in a tank top and jeans, picking up a barrel. 

 

Castiel. 

 

Dean gaped a bit, but he didn’t have time to process. It was time for him to go in. He took a deep breath and set himself up before galloping in. Leo stumbled on the final stretch, which scared Dean, but all was well. His time just wasn’t up to par. He placed seventh out of sixteen, which wasn’t terrible at all. Dean was proud of his run and how he handled the stumble. 

 

Coming out of the ring, Dean ignored the presence by the ring that stayed all day, resetting barrels, scooping poop, and managing the gate. 

 

By the end of the day, Dean was practically hiding by the barn to avoid having to talk to Castiel. He thought he had made it out, until he saw Castiel guiding a trailer out of the parking lot, keeping the back from scraping Baby. Dean held back a groan and walked to his car.

 

“You’re good!” Castiel waved for the trailer to go forward and looked over at the figure approaching, eyebrows going up. “Oh, hello Dean. I saw your run today. You handled that trip beautifully.”

 

“Yeah...sure.”

 

“Did I say something?”

 

Dean huffed. “No.”

 

“Then why are you acting like this?”

 

“Maybe because you’ve been using me as your little plaything to mess with.”

 

Castiel blinked, eyebrows scrunching. “Excuse me?”

 

“You rejected me, then kissed me like nothing happened.”

 

Castiel swallowed. “You never texted me after and avoided me.”

 

“I was mad. You played me.”

 

Now, he was getting mad. “I did nothing of the sort. Did you take even a second to think about what I was feeling?” 

 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Not when you were too busy toying with my feelings.”

 

Castiel huffed. “I wanted to go on that date with you.”

 

“Then why didn’t you?” Dean stepped up closer to Castiel, getting in his face.

 

“I can’t! You are insufferable, you know that?”

 

“No, I don’t. Why don’t you take a moment and think about-” Dean got cut off when Castiel’s lips crashed against his. In the heat of the moment, he grabbed the arm holes of his tank top and yanked him closer with a growl. 

 

Castiel shoved Dean back against the door of the impala. “Backseat. Now.”

 

Dean panted and opened the door, falling back onto the seat while Castiel climbed over him. 

 

Castiel pushed Dean down onto the bench seat and kissed him hard, straddling his hips. He grabbed the collar of Dean’s shirt to pull him up against his lips. He pulled back, panting softly. “You incorrigible, self-centered, little shit…” He kissed down Dean’s neck as his fingers snaked down to Dean’s pants, unbuckling his belt. 

  
Dean’s breathing was heavy as he wrapped his legs around Castiel’s thighs and forced his hips closer, a soft moan falling from his lips as he got some denim-against-denim friction. He felt a hand slipping into his now unbuttoned jeans and palming him through his boxers. “Fuck...you.”

 

Castiel growled and unbuttoned his own jeans with one hand, shoving his boxers out of the way to free his own cock. “No time for that now.” He mumbled. His hand wrapped around both of their members and stroked long and slow. 

 

Dean’s head fell back at the sensation, cheeks red-hot as he moaned. He braced one hand against the back of the passenger seat and the other wrapped around the back of Castiel’s neck, yanking him down for another heated kiss. He was so angry, his entire body was hot. Maybe that was from the long, slender fingers that were speeding up, but Dean decided that it was from how pissed he was. When he opened his eyes, he found Castiel staring right at him in awe. The gaze made Dean crumble a little, his anger falling away. He came hard between them, suddenly glad his brand new shirt was pushed up enough to be out of the line of fire. He heard Castiel groaning above him and watched his face morph in pleasure. He truly was sight to behold. 

 

Castiel panted and looked at his hand, which was coated mostly in Dean’s release, his own on his stomach. “You’re clean, right?”

 

Dean snorted. “Bad time to ask, but yeah. I got tested a few weeks ago, haven’t been with anyone since.”

 

“Good.” Castiel opened his mouth and lapped up the cooling release from his hand.

 

Dean’s jaw dropped and he groaned. “Jesus Christ…” If he hadn’t just come, he would be hard again right now. 

 

“Do you have tissues?”

 

Dean swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, glove box.”

 

Castiel reached into the front seat and found a little package of tissues. He cleaned up his stomach before gently tucking Dean back into his pants and buckling his belt. 

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“Helping.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I want to.”

 

Dean sighed. “Fine. What was that, anyways?”

 

“I have no idea. I’ve never had angry frottage before. Though I must say it was fun and I’d like to do it again, maybe something more.”

 

“So...You want to be fuck-buddies?”

 

Castiel shook his head. “No, I don’t really do that. I know I said no before, and I had my reasons, but I want to put my doubts aside.”

 

“Wait, are you asking me out now?” Dean sat up a little.

 

Castiel nodded. “I am.”

 

Dean had to pause and think about that. What reasons did Castiel have? When he asked earlier, Castiel simply said that he couldn’t say yes. Maybe it had nothing to do with Dean. Maybe this could work. “Oh…Alright. Yeah, I’ll go out with you. It’s a definite yes if we get to do this again.”

 

Castiel rolled his eyes. “I truly hope you desire more than just sex.”

 

“No, of course I want more. You’re an adorable, but insanely hot dork. You’re kind and funny, and your passion for what you do is just awesome. Now if you want to date, what did you call me? Incorrigible, self-centered-”

 

“Shut up.” Castiel kissed Dean again. “Maybe I like that about you. You’re stubborn but ridiculously charming. I can’t help it.”

 

Dean chuckled. “Glad to know my charms are still there.”

 

“Good god, I was right about you.”


	6. Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mild ableism

Castiel’s heart was still pounding when he got home. He had butterflies in his stomach, and he could still feel Dean’s hands on him. He found himself randomly smiling when he remembered how Dean held the back of his neck to kiss him. He kept getting distracted as he made himself dinner, a simple grilled salmon with veggies. He burnt some of the sweet potatoes, but they still tasted fine once he ate.

A phone call from Michael spoiled his mood. He dropped his fork with a sigh and answered. “Hello?”

“Rachel just texted me and asked if you were coming.”

“Who?”

“The woman you were supposed to meet tonight.”

Castiel sighed. Ever since their parents died, Michael had taken care of Castiel and carried their parents’ very “traditional” values, as he called them. Castiel would call them homophobia. “Why did you tell her I would be there? I told you I was working a show this weekend. I don’t want to go on a date with her anyway.”

“Then who do you want to date? You sit alone all day in that house. I’m just trying to look out for you and find you someone.”

“I don’t need you to do that. I’m perfectly capable of finding someone on my own.”

“Are you sure? You don’t really pick up on flirting very well.”

Castiel scoffed. Michael had a bad habit of treating him like a child. It always left a sour taste in his mouth. “Goodbye.” He hung up and set his phone aside, dragging a hand over his face. He didn’t feel like putting up with any more of Michael’s ableist bullshit. Soon...Soon the barn would be all his and he could disconnect a little more from his obnoxious older brother.

As he got ready for bed, he wondered if he should text Dean. That would be the appropriate thing to do to arrange a date, right? He showered and laid in bed, pulling out his phone. What would he say?

**_Castiel Novak_ **  
_Hello Dean_

Only a minute passed before Castiel got an answer.

**_Dean Winchester_ **  
_Hey Cas. What’s up?_

**_Castiel Novak_ **  
_Not much. I just had a very aggravating phone call with Michael_

**_Dean Winchester_ **  
_Do I need to beat someone up? What’s he giving you shit for?_

Castiel sighed and thought for a moment about how he should answer that.

**_Castiel Novak_ **  
_My brother is somewhat of an ableist. That’s why he owns the barn property and I don’t. He practically raised me, so he still sees me like a child sometimes. He’s also trying to set me up with a woman from his day job. As you could probably guess, I’m not interested in women as romantic partners. Michael is also homophobic. I’m in the closet._

Typing all of that out felt like a weight off of Castiel’s shoulders. He never told anyone about the trouble Michael gave him at times and how shitty he could be.

**_Dean Winchester_ **  
_Oh, so that’s why you said no. You could have told me. I’m sorry he’s like that. My dad was the same way. He threw me out of our motel room when he found out I was bi._

**_Castiel Novak_ **  
_I’m sorry you had to go through that._

**_Dean Winchester_ **  
_It’s okay. What can I do to help you with Michael and his bullshit? Speaking of, I’ve officially lost respect for him. I already thought he was kinda douchey, but now I think he’s a dick if he’s treating you that way._

_Castiel_ **_Novak_ **  
_I’m not sure what all you could do. He is the way he is. I’m trying to distance myself from him. Eventually, I’m buying the barn property off of him. I’m so close to being able to. Just a few more months._

**_Dean Winchester_ **  
_That would be awesome if you owned the place. You’d be great at it._

**_Castiel Novak_ **  
_Thank you. I appreciate that_

**_Dean Winchester_ **  
_Any time_

**_Castiel Novak_ **  
_Enough about me, what are you doing?_

**_Dean Winchester_ **  
_Laying in bed, thinking about how sore my thighs are from riding today. Nothing exciting. I made chicken for dinner, and my brother is in town next week, so that’s cool_

**_Castiel Novak_ **  
_Your brother is coming?_

**_Dean Winchester_ **  
_Yeah he is. I haven’t seen him in a couple of months. Apparently he’s bringing his girlfriend too. Her name is Jessica._

**_Castiel Novak_ **  
_That’s exciting. Good luck_

**_Dean Winchester_ **  
_I’m gonna need it. I know from experience that they’ll make a racket at night. I may have to escape for a while at some point._

**_Castiel Novak_ **  
_I could take you out to dinner_

**_Dean Winchester_ **  
_Yeah? What night?_

**_Castiel Novak_ **  
_I’m free Tuesday_

**_Dean Winchester_ **  
_Same here_

**_Castiel Novak_ **  
_Great. I’ll pick you up, around 6?_

**_Dean Winchester_ **  
_Perfect. See you then_

~~~

Dean spent Sunday napping since this weekend’s show was a one-day show.

Monday, he was nearly giddy with excitement. He dug through his closet for anything that would be appropriate for a date. He ended up with a green polo and dark jeans. He laid out the outfit in his room and greeted Sam and Jessica when they arrived.

Tuesday, Dean was too antsy to do much but stare at the clock. Sam was pulling some major bitchfaces at him for zoning out while they were trying to catch up, but Dean didn’t care. Sam was here until Thursday. That was plenty of time to hang out, and Dean was positive that Sam could keep himself company with Jess for a few hours.

When six rolled around, Dean was dressed and waiting for a text or call. He was nearly dying with anticipation by 6:02, but that was when Castiel texted him to announce his arrival. Dean jogged down the stairs and beamed when he saw Castiel in the lobby. He looked really good cleaned up. His stubble was neatly trimmed but he still had that crazy sex hair. He wore a navy blue button up and khakis.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Hey. You ready?”

Castiel smiled. “Very much so.” He held out his hand to Dean.

Dean took the hand when it was offered and walked with Castiel out to the car. He got into the passenger seat and looked to the driver’s seat. “Where are we going?”

“I got us reservations at the Melting Pot. It’s a fondue place.”

“You got reservations? Is this place fancy?”

“Somewhat, but we’re both dressed appropriately for it. Don’t worry, it’s delicious.”

Dean nodded a bit, thinking about how much this was going to cost...No, not tonight. He could splurge a bit on dinner for once. He survived off pizza and takeout. This would be a welcomed treat.

“Thank you for being supportive, when we were texting and I told you about Michael.”

“No need to thank me. Your brother was being a dick. I’m gonna stop there because I’ll go on a rant if I keep going.”

Castiel smiled. “It’s okay, I could rant about it too. I won’t have to deal with him for much longer, hopefully.”

“I hope so for you.” Dean looked at the building as they pulled up to the restaurant. He exited the car and followed Castiel through the door. The restaurant was dimly lit and the walls looked like stone. The hostess had on a fancy black shirt and pants. She led them to a table that had a pot in the middle of it. She turned the heat on and handed them menus.

Dean looked at the menu and saw two sections, one for cheese, and one for meat.

Castiel turned his menu towards Dean. “The meal is three courses. First, we get cheese fondue. The Wisconsin Trio and the Alpine are the best ones, in my opinion. The second course is the meat. The cheese is replaced with hot oil and we get a selection of meats. We cook them to our desired temperature in the oil. They’ll tell us how long to leave the meat in. My favorite is the Surf and Turf. Then our third course is chocolate fondue. We get brownie bites, marshmallows, strawberries, pineapple, cookies, and rice Krispies to dip in chocolate.”

Dean’s eyes bulged out of his head as he listened. “You’re picking where we eat for all of our dates.”

Castiel laughed softly. “So you’re saying we’ll have future dates?”

“Possibly,” Dean teased. “You can pick the stuff we get. I don’t know anything about any of this.”

Castiel chuckled softly. “Alright. Let’s start with the Alpine cheese. It has gruyère, raclette, fontina, white wine, garlic, and nutmeg. Let’s do the classic entree. It has sirloin, shrimp, Memphis-Style dry rub pork, teriyaki-marinated sirloin, and herb-crusted chicken breast.”

Dean’s stomach growled as he listened to that. “Wow. That sounds really good.” He glanced up as the server approached and took their drink and food orders. Castiel ordered the food since Dean couldn’t remember what exactly they were getting.

The cheese was delightfully melty. Dean dipped the bread into the cheese using the long fork provided. It had an oaky taste with a slight sweetness to it. Dean couldn’t resist making nearly pornographic noises as he ate, which seemed to rile Castiel up a little.

The hot oil was terrifying at first. Dean made Castiel show him how to cook the bite-sized pieces of meat and do the first few for him. Dean’s first success was a piece of sirloin that melted in his mouth.

Between bites and while the food cooked, Castiel and Dean talked up a storm. Dean learned so much about Castiel that he felt like he could write poems about him. He loved tending to his garden and even had a hive box with honeybees in his backyard. He collected the honey and sold it at a farmer’s market when he had time. Michael wasn’t Castiel’s only sibling. He had another older brother, Gabriel. He lived with his wife in Chicago and ran a sweets company. Castiel bought everything he made and helped him taste-test when he was in town.

“I’m rambling too much. I want to hear about you. How is your brother doing?” Castiel ate the piece of steak from his fork and looked to Dean with big, curious eyes that melted Dean’s heart.

“Sammy’s good. Jess is real sweet and they’re a great couple. I missed them.”

“Did you grow up around here?”

Dean stared at the oil. “I was born in Lawrence, Kansas. I lived there for five years with my mom, dad, and Sammy. When he was a baby, the house burned down. Mom didn’t make it out. We bounced around the country for a while after that. Sam got a scholarship to Stanford and made a run for it while I worked crappy jobs with my dad. Eventually, my dad caught me in bed with a dude in our motel room. He threw me out and told me to never come back. I stayed working there, in Ohio, for a few months. Then my dad drank himself to death. Even after he threw me out, he would call me once a week. Then the calls stopped and I knew something happened. Found him in the same motel room we were in before. All he had was the car and about a hundred dollars to his name. I had him buried next to mom. He would have wanted that…” Dean looked up and saw that Castiel’s eyes were tearing up. “Shit, I didn’t even realize I went on so much, I’m sorry-”

“No, don’t apologize. Your story is yours to tell and you always have the right to choose when that is. I’m so sorry your childhood was so hard. I know what it’s like to lose your parents. I’m the youngest son, and my mom died in childbirth with me. I never knew her. My dad ran off right after that. Michael would tell me stories of how great he was and that he would come back for us one day, but obviously that never happened. We lived with my aunt Naomi. She’s Balthazar, Hannah, and Anna’s mom. Their dad left and doesn’t keep much contact after the divorce. I was seven when he left, so I don’t remember him strongly. Naomi is the CEO of a Christian novel publishing company. There is a shocking amount of money there. Anyways, she was the one to start sending me to riding lessons. When her kids were old enough, she sent them to riding lessons too. Mine were slightly different and considered therapy to help with my anxiety.”

Dean listened and nodded. “I’m sorry you didn’t have your parents either. It sucks. But, we’re here now.”

Castiel gave a soft smile. “That’s a good way of thinking of it.”

“I do like where I am. I have a good job, a good hobby, nice place, and I’m on a hot date.” Dean flashed his signature flirty grin.

Castiel blushed at the grin and ate the last piece of chicken. “I like where I am too. I have great horses, a nice house, and my date is very flattering.”

Dean reached around the hot plate and pot and took Castiel’s hand. He loved how soft they were with a rough edge to them from working at the barn.

The chocolate they ordered was called the Yin and Yang. It was half white chocolate, half dark chocolate, swirled into the familiar symbol. Every bite of dessert was divine, and Dean moaned around each bite.

The server approached the table again and set the bill on the table. Dean eyed it nervously. “I-I can pay you back-“

“No, you don’t need to do that. You bought me multiple meals and housed me for a week. We can take turns paying or split the bill at places where it’s easier. We’ll get a system.”

Dean smiled softly. “Thank you.” He felt better knowing that. He ate the last strawberry and waited for Castiel to pay.

After the check was paid and signed, Castiel took Dean’s hand and led him out of the restaurant. While they drove back to Dean’s apartment, he rested his hand on Castiel’s thigh and even asked before touching him.

Castiel parked his car in front of Dean’s apartment and turned to him. “I had a great time tonight.”

Dean hummed, leaning a little closer. “Me too.”

Castiel pressed a kiss to Dean’s lips. “I’d love to do this again.”

Dean hummed against Castiel’s lips. “Do you want to come inside?”

“Isn’t your brother there?”

“Yeah, but it’s getting late. He’s probably in bed with Jess. They won’t care.”

“You’re sure?”

“Mmhm.”

Castiel smiled softly. “Let’s go then.” He took the keys out of the ignition and got out of the car.

Dean grinned and led the way up to his apartment, pulling Castiel along by his hand. He unlocked the door and locked it behind himself. Just as he thought, the second bedroom was closed and Sam and Jess were nowhere to be found. As soon as they were in the bedroom, Castiel pulled Dean into a deep kiss.

Dean’s hands slid up Castiel’s shirt as they tumbled down to the bed, Castiel straddling Dean’s hips. When he tried to sit up and take more control, Castiel pushed him back down and kissed along his neck. “You’re bossy in bed.”

“I’m bossy in general. You love it.” Castiel retorted, pulling Dean’s shirt off over his head and tossing it aside.

Dean chuckled heartily and surrendered, laying back on the bed and running his thumbs over Castiel’s sharp hip bones. “Jesus, how did I end up with someone as stunning as you?”

Castiel blushed and leaned down, kissing Dean’s neck. “I could say the same about you.” Clothes were slowly stripped and thrown aside. Unlike the car incident, this was slow and sweet.

Dean ran his hands down Castiel’s back and over his ass, gripping the cheeks. His fingers brushed over something hard and he furrowed his brows. He ran his fingers over the bump again and his eyes widened when he realized what it was. “You sneaky sonuvabitch.”

Castiel hummed and reached behind himself, gently removing the plug from his ass.

“You going to ride me just as good as you ride in the show ring?” Dean teased, grabbing a bottle of lube and a condom out of the second drawer (because he was classy like that) and handing it to Castiel.

“Let’s hope you’ve earned a judge’s eye, and you tell me.” Castiel rolled the condom on and slicked up Dean’s cock, stroking him to full hardness, pulling a soft moan from the man below him. “You ready?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“Possibly, but I already know I’m ready.” Castiel positioned himself over Dean before slowly sinking down. “Shit…”

Dean gasped, hands squeezing Castiel’s muscular thighs as he watched him in awe. A stupid giggle escaped him and he covered his mouth.

Castiel furrowed his brows. “What’s so funny?” He asked breathily.

“It’s like that song, ‘Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy’.” Dean giggled.

Castiel groaned. “Oh my god, I hate you.” He placed his hands on Dean’s thighs and leaned back before slowly raising and lowering himself, getting a feel of Dean inside of him.

Dean thought he might die and go to heaven just from this view. Castiel was insanely attractive, especially naked. His hips looked divine, stomach chiseled, and chest strong and built. His head was tipped back in pleasure as he bounced in Dean’s lap. “Holy shit-ah…” Dean wrapped his hands around those beautiful, slim hips and followed Castiel’s movements up and down.

Castiel met Dean’s eyes and groaned. He leaned forward and placed his hands on Dean’s chest. He could see the man below him much better with this angle. He felt Dean’s hips moving underneath him and stopped, sitting heavily on him. “Hold still.”

Dean whined and tried to push up, but good lord Castiel was strong.

“You’ll be good for me, won’t you sweetheart?”

That sentence sent chills down Dean’s spine. He swallowed and nodded. “Mmhm.”

“That’s right.” Castiel purred and started moving again, rolling his hips and bouncing quickly in Dean’s lap. “You like being told what to do?”

Dean whimpered. “Y-Yeah…”

Castiel grinned. “Hands over your head. Hold the headboard.”

Dean did as he was told and wrapped his fingers around the wooden slats of the headboard. He felt exposed and vulnerable, and the thought made his body hot and his cock twitch inside of Castiel.

“Good, good boy.” Castiel placed his hands on Dean’s chest and started bouncing harder and faster. “Fuck, you feel so good, Dean.”

Dean moaned and resisted the urge to roll his hips up. He wanted to be good for Castiel, show him how good he could be.

Castiel groaned and bounced. “T-touch me. One hand stays on the headboard.”

Dean nodded quickly and wrapped his right hand around Castiel’s cock, stroking him in time with his quick bounces. He felt his orgasm building up as he got closer and closer to release.

Castiel moaned and squeezed his eyes shut. “Oh shit-Dean!” he cried out, coming hard over Dean’s stomach and chest.

Dean gasped as he came into the condom, still managing to hold his hips still. He melted into the bed, moaning and arching his back.

Castiel panted softly, lifting himself up and off of Dean. He took the condom off and tied it before throwing it into the garbage and kissing all over Dean’s chest. “Perfect, you were perfect for me.”

Dean hummed under the praise. “You weren’t so bad yourself.”

“Mmm, so I can ride?”

“Hell yeah, you can.”


	7. Breaking Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Cozibizzle for beta'ing for me and helping me figure this chapter out!
> 
> Major angst warning. For more descriptive triggers/warnings, please check the end notes.

Dean was sad when Castiel couldn’t spend the night, but he understood that Castiel wasn’t ready for something like that. It did make it easier to tolerate Sam’s bitchface in the morning when he complained about the noise from last night. Dean could only grin and clap his brother on the back.

 

Sam’s visit was quite pleasant. Dean enjoyed getting to know Jess a little more and spending some time with his little brother. When he drove Sam to the airport, he made him promise to come back for the holidays. 

 

With the visit over, Dean fell back into his usual routine. Ride, lesson, work, show, repeat. Except, now he had a new activity to throw into the mix.

 

Ride, lesson, work, show, date, repeat.

 

Every week, Dean and Castiel scheduled a date. They rode trails together, went out to dinner, stayed in and watched movies, and even went on nature walks, which Dean was skeptical about at first, but it ended up being extremely fun. Castiel made it enjoyable by telling him about all of the flora around them.

 

One thing that never changed was Castiel and Dean’s constant bickering. They argued over the smallest things, like opening and closing the blinds, Mexican food or pizza, who got the last oreo in the pack, or who was driving. The arguments were light-hearted, every time…

 

...Until they weren’t.

 

One day they exploded. They had bickered for hours the night before during one of their short weekends together. It escalated early in the morning.

 

“Are you already getting up? It’s 8:30.” Castiel groaned and pulled the blanket over his head.

 

Dean hummed and got out of bed. “I have to pee, and I’m hungry. Get up, sleepyhead.”

 

Castiel grumbled and stayed put, hiding his face in the pillow.

 

Dean rolled his eyes and pulled the blankets off the bed. “Up and attem, Cas.”

 

Castiel immediately grabbed the blankets and pulled them back over himself in a huff.

 

Dean huffed as well. “Alright, grumpy. No pancakes for you.” He went to the bathroom and relieved himself before brushing his teeth. Castiel hadn’t moved and looked like he was going back to sleep when Dean walked by. 

 

The fact the Castiel outright refused to get up early when he didn’t have to irked Dean at times, especially today. Today, Dean had to be at the barn to work at noon, which would end their weekend together. Castiel could easily stay in bed until 11:00, which would only give them a few minutes together before they had to part ways. To Dean, it felt like Castiel wasn’t putting in the effort to spend more time with him.

 

Dean made two servings of pancakes because despite being irritated by Castiel’s refusal, he still felt obligated to make him breakfast. It felt wrong to deny that to his boyfriend of two months. Once the pancakes were ready, he ate at the table alone, hoping that maybe, Castiel would get up and eat with him. He went as slow as he could, but his hunger drove him to finish the plate in about fifteen minutes. When he walked back into the bedroom, Castiel was awake and scrolling on his phone. Seeing that was enough to send Dean over the edge.

 

“Seriously?”

 

Castiel looked up from his phone with scrunched brows. “What?”

 

Dean gave an aggravated sigh. “You’re awake. I just ate by myself.”

 

“I wasn’t ready to get out of bed yet. You’re getting really worked up over something that doesn’t even matter. I just like to sleep late when I can. What’s wrong with that?”

 

“What’s wrong with it is that you know we only get a day or two a week together, and we get even less this week, just last night and this morning. I have to leave in a few hours, and you’re not even making an effort to spend more time with me.”

 

Castiel frowned. “That’s...you know that’s not my intention, not at all. I want to spend as much time with you as I can.”

 

“Actions speak a lot louder than words, Cas.”

 

“Remember when I told you about my day last night? It’s August. I had five hour-long lessons. You were outside too. It was over 100 degrees, easily. I was exhausted. I still am. We stayed up late last night, so I wanted to stay in bed a little longer so that I’d feel more rested to spend time with you for a few hours before you went to the barn. I was even going to offer to come with you and spend time with you there, but considering how much of a jackass you’re being right now, I think I’ll go home when you leave.”

 

Dean was usually calmed down by Castiel’s logical explanations, but today it got under his skin, especially when Castiel called him out on his behavior. “I’m not the one being a jackass!”

 

“Now you’re the one raising your voice. Don’t yell at me.” Castiel snapped. His volume didn’t increase, but he stood up out of bed.

 

“You deserve it right now! All I wanted this morning was for us to eat breakfast together and spend our last few hours for the week together, doing something we both enjoy. But you chose sleep over that!”

 

Castiel huffed, balling his hands into fists. “I just told you why I wanted more sleep! What’s so hard to understand about that?”

 

“Oh, now you’re calling me stupid.”

 

“W-what? I didn’t…” Castiel glared. “What the hell has gotten into you?”

 

“Nothing has gotten into me. I’m just realizing that maybe you aren’t as committed to this relationship as I thought. You’d never sleep in and push back a morning ride, or schooling at a show, but you sleep away your time with me like it means nothing. Don’t even get me started on how you don’t want me at the barn while you’re teaching, because you’re afraid I’ll distract your students, meanwhile you show up at my lessons all the time and even start coaching in them! What kind of backwards hypocrisy is that?”

 

“We’ve gone over this a hundred times, Dean. I’m a professional rider and trainer. I went to school to learn how to teach lessons and work with the horses. I have experience in both riding disciplines. I can help you during your lessons. Other than just watching, I don’t know what you could add to one of my student’s lessons. That has nothing to do with your talent or ability. I don’t even let parents sit by the ring. They wait in their cars and can watch from there if they please. I come to your lessons because you’ve invited me on multiple occasions and even asked for advice, so I come and give it when you ask. If you told me to stop, I would. Last time we had this conversation you said you still wanted me to come.”

 

“Yeah, because I just wanted to spend more time with you! You have almost every night to yourself, isn’t there any time where you wish you were with me?”

 

“Of course there is.” Castiel ran his hands through his hair, his shoulders tight with frustration. “I’m going home.” He started grabbing his clothes and throwing them into the backpack he brought with him. He pulled his pants and shoes on and pushed past Dean to the door. What stopped him was Dean’s hand on his backpack. “Let go, Dean.”

 

Dean walked around in front of Castiel and blocked the door. “No, you don’t get to leave just because I’m calling you out on all of your bullshit.”

 

Castiel froze when Dean blocked his exit. His heart rate spiked and he started trying to get around, but Dean wasn’t letting him through. “Dean, move!” His voice shook slightly.

 

“Don’t use that to get out of this.”

 

Castiel scrunched his brows. “W-what? You think I’m faking? You’re scaring me, Dean. Let me go!” He tried to push Dean aside, but he couldn’t make him budge.

 

“Quit grabbing for sympathy from me, I know you’re not freaking out again, come on. I’m not even doing anything!” Dean held his ground and kept the door blocked. “Be a man and take what I’m giving you: a wake up call.”

 

Castiel tried to calm himself down and stand up for himself, but all he could think about was being trapped. He held back tears as hard as he could, so hard that his face and head hurt. He took a shaky breath and tried one more time to snake behind Dean, but he was pushed back. That was enough to topple him over the edge. His chest expanded quickly with a massive intake of air in a wheeze, and the tears started to fall. His heart was pounding out of his chest and his nerves felt like livewires, every sense on high alert.

 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Jesus Christ, grow up, would you?! You’re acting like a child!”

 

Castiel heard Dean’s words in Michael’s voice, the constant taunting of his behavior. His chest burned with pain, his face on fire. He never thought something like that could come from Dean’s mouth. He had been so good, so understanding. It was almost like he didn’t even see the differences in Castiel, but clearly it was a front. The lying bastard was just as bad as Michael and didn’t see Castiel past his autism and anxiety. “Get the fuck out of my way. I don’t ever want to see your face or hear your voice again. Don’t you _ever_ come near me. I know my worth, and if you want to treat me like shit, then you can get the hell out of my life and never come back.”

 

Apparently, that was enough to knock Dean out of his rage. It took a moment to click in his head, to figure out what went wrong. “Wait, Cas...I didn’t mean that. We can make this work, can’t we? You know we bicker. It’s just our thing, right?”

 

“Are you even happy with me?”

 

Dean paused at that. All the arguments, the constant annoyance, the teasing of one another, was he really looking at all of this through rose-colored glasses? “I...I don’t know.”

 

“Well I do. I know that I’m not happy, and we would never be happy together. You’re a lying piece of shit. Get out of my way.”

 

Dean finally stepped to the side, giving Castiel room to leave. “Were you really never happy?”

 

Castiel didn’t think about his answer. “No. Never. Goodbye, Dean. Lose my number.” He slammed the door behind himself and stormed down the stairs to his car. As soon as he started driving, the waterworks began again. He sobbed so hard he had to pull over for a few minutes to get it out of his system.

 

It was over.

 

It was really over.

 

~~~

 

Dean didn’t know what to say or do after Castiel left. His brain shut down for about an hour as he mindlessly cleaned up around the apartment. He made the bed, washed dishes, swept the floor, and folded blankets on the couch. When he registered that it was time to get dressed and leave, he had an overwhelming urge to stay home and hide away. But, he knew he needed to go to work. 

 

He felt spacey, and time didn’t seem to be working right. He blinked and suddenly he was at the barn, bringing horses in. He blinked again and he was picking stalls and dumping manure. Time finally moved again when he felt Ellen’s hand on his shoulder. 

 

“Dean, what happened?”

 

“Nothing, why?”

 

“Don’t give me that. You’ve had tears on your cheeks all day and you’ve barely spoken to Jo. Something’s wrong.”

 

Dean rubbed his face and found it wet. He blinked and swallowed. Ellen had a genuine, caring look on her face. It was enough to break him. “I fucked everything up, Ellen.”

 

Ellen frowned and opened her arms. “C’mere, boy.”

 

Dean hugged Ellen tightly, trying not to cry again.

 

“That man is head over heels for you. I see it in both of you. I know y’all argue, but you’re still so happy-”

 

“But we weren’t. And we couldn’t ever be after everything I said. I was just so frustrated for no good reason. I was gross and horrible. I don’t deserve him.”

 

Ellen sighed. “Don’t beat yourself up. I don’t know what it was going on behind closed doors, but whatever it was, I hope you’re okay now. Is there anything I can do for you?”

 

Dean shrugged a bit and pulled back from the hug. “I don’t think so, but thanks anyways.”

 

“Tell you what, why don’t we all go to the Roadhouse together tonight? I’ll make sure you have a ride and you and Jo can talk it all out. I know she’d like that.”

 

Dean thought for a moment. That really didn’t sound like a bad idea. “Alright, yeah. I’ll go.”

 

Ellen smiled sweetly. “I’m not gonna let you hide yourself away, Dean. You deserve better than to do that to yourself. Let’s finish up here and go get cleaned up.”

 

Dean gave a tiny smile and nodded. Yeah, this would be good. He could clear his head and talk to one of his best friends. Maybe he could invite Benny too.

 

~~~

 

Castiel went home was his cheeks still hot from rage and tears. He slammed his front door shut when he walked inside. He threw his bag aside and flopped down on the couch. Nothing could console him right now. He dragged his hands over his face and sighed. He scrolled through his phone contacts and ended up calling the one person he always called when he needed a pick-me-up.

 

“Wassup, kiddo?”

 

“Hi, Gabriel.”

 

“What’s bothering you?”

 

Castiel scrunched his brows. “How did you know?”

 

“You sound upset. What happened?” 

 

Castiel let out a long sigh. “I broke up with Dean.”

 

“Well, shit. Sorry, little bro.”

 

“It’s okay. I was inevitable.”

 

“Really? You never made it sound like that,” Gabriel asked in a puzzled tone.

 

“We fought all the time, Gabriel. We were constantly at each other’s throats. Today he snapped. He yelled at me, wouldn’t let me leave the apartment, and when I started panicking he called me a child.”

 

There was a pause on the line. “Jesus Christ. Good on you for pulling the plug. Did he hurt you?”

 

“No, he didn’t do anything like that. But I told him to get out of my life and lose my number.”

 

“Okay, good. I’m not happy that you’re upset, but I’m glad you’re not hurt. Do you need me to come down there?”

 

“No, I’m fine. I just wanted to tell you, I guess.”

 

“Alright. Well, you call me if you need anything at all, okay? Love ya.”

 

“Love you too. Bye, Gabriel.” He hung up and sighed. 

 

With that conversation out of the way, it was time for him to begin picking up the pieces. He didn’t need Dean. He was about to be the CEO of Heaven’s Gait, and like hell was anyone going to stand in his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triggers: Dean is a major asshole and says nasty shit to Cas while being overly controlling. Very heavy angst, not a happy chapter at all.


	8. Do Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the last chapter, I know that one hurt. To make up for it here's the next one that is much happier, but still keep an eye on the tags, as they have been updated.

Castiel didn’t let the breakup bring him down for more than a day. The following day, he was back to work with his head held high. He informed everyone that Dean would no longer be working their shows and promptly hired a new barnhand named Alfie. Alfie wasn’t quite as good as Dean, but he was a sweet college kid and worked hard. 

 

Castiel bought the barn off of Michael only two weeks after splitting up with Dean. It was an amazing feeling. With that done, he cut Michael out of his life for good. A weight was off his shoulders, and he finally felt like he was realizing his lifelong dream. 

 

Six months after the breakup, he started online school to get his occupational therapy degree. The classes were hard and gave him many late nights, but he pushed through, knowing it would be worth it. It took him three years to finish, and when his degree came in the mail, Gabriel flew down to throw a small party with Castiel’s family and friends to celebrate.

 

One thing that remained constant was that every once in a while he would think about those two months when he called Dean his boyfriend. Part of him missed the teasing, the cuddles, and the intimacy. He’d have brief flashes of remembering all the good times, but then that last fight would come to the front of his mind, and the good times no longer meant anything to him. 

 

~~~

 

Castiel had avoided having a workday with his students at a western show ever since the breakup. No one had mentioned it the entire time, most of his students assuming that he was purposefully avoiding Dean. What convinced Castiel to go back was when one of his students asked if they could. I was one of his new students in his therapy program. He knew how important it was for all of his students to work around horses and put in some elbow grease, so he agreed to go to a show for the first time in three and a half years. 

 

Castiel mentally prepared himself to see Dean there. He thought he would be terrified, but other than some mild anxiety, he felt confident about this. He was doing great. He didn’t have to interact with Dean at all. The shows were so busy, it would be easy to avoid him. 

 

Castiel assigned his students to different jobs around the show after talking with the coordinators about where they were needed. Castiel himself was in charge of checking in on his students and helping where he was needed. One of the assignments was helping clean stalls for a small western barn at the stalls near the back of the park. The student assigned, Balthazar, looked up at Castiel. 

 

“I heard people saying they canceled a few events today. Apparently, one of the bull riders was killed.”

 

Castiel’s eyes widened. “If someone died, the entire show would be canceled. I highly doubt someone died.”

 

“He got horribly trampled, from what I heard. The bull threw him, kicked him, then trampled him.”

 

Castiel’s eyes widened. That did sound bad. “Still, if he wasn’t alive, the show wouldn’t be happening today.” Castiel led Balthazar to the people they were helping, and he saw a familiar face standing by a familiar horse. 

 

“Castiel?” Ellen looked at him from beside Leo. She gave a gentle smile. “Long time no see.”

 

Castiel gave a soft smile back. “Hello, Ellen. How are you?”

 

“I’m alright. Just getting Leo taken care of.”

 

Castiel resisted the urge to ask why Dean wasn’t there. He was grateful that he wasn’t there right now. “How’s Jo?”

 

“She’s alright, but she scratched today. I did too. I asked for volunteer help to get the horses on the trailer and everyone’s stuff packed.”

 

Castiel nodded. “Well, I’ve brought you Balthazar, who will be a great help with that. I’ll be around, so let me know if you need anything.”

 

Ellen nodded. “Appreciate it. Take care, Cas.” 

 

Castiel waved and walked off. How lucky was he? While he was sad that Jo and Ellen didn’t decide to show today, it meant that they were leaving with Dean and wouldn’t be here, the one day Castiel was here. It was perfect. He walked around the park, checking on all of his students at their respective jobs. The sun wasn’t beating down on them as hard now that it was nearly November. Fun, the Halloween shows would start soon. Castiel always loved coming up with costume ideas for the riders and horses. 

 

Once he was sure everyone was doing good right now, he stood by the exit and helped some of the trailers back out of the slim parking lot, which made it extremely difficult for them to back up on their own. 

 

The show day went very smoothly. Everyone did good with their jobs and learned some from the western riders. Castiel felt good about everything, so he decided to take his students out to dinner. Anna suggested the Roadhouse, which everyone was excited for. Castiel seemed wary, but there was no guarantee he would see Dean there. Chances are Dean was at Ellen’s barn working., not out eating. He wasn’t even at the show today. Maybe he wasn’t in town at all. 

 

When they all arrived at the Roadhouse, Castiel found the doors locked and the lights off. There was a small note on the door. 

 

-Sorry for the inconvenience. We’ve had a family emergency and we will be gone for tonight. Eddy’s and Mulligan’s are still open and know my regulars are coming. We will be back as soon as we can. ~Ellen-

 

Castiel frowned softly and offered to go to Eddy’s diner instead. Everyone agreed, luckily, and they made their way down the street. 

 

When Castiel walked inside, he almost immediately spotted a familiar face. Sam was sitting at one of the tables by himself, head resting on his palm as he poked at a salad. Castiel was going to slink away, but when he observed that there wasn’t a second plate and that Sam was alone, he didn’t feel as weird about him being there. He was probably just in town for a visit. No Dean in sight right now. 

 

The hosting staff set up a table for all twelve of them and sat them at it, bringing menus and waters for everyone. Castiel found himself walking closer to Sam than he expected. Part of him hoped he wouldn’t be recognized, but when their eyes met, he knew he was screwed.

 

“Cas?”

 

“Hello, Sam. How are you?” Castiel wasn’t going to be rude to him, after all, Sam didn’t do anything wrong, and in the few times they spoke, he seemed like a nice guy.

 

Sam tried to smile, but failed, chuckling sadly as he stared at the table. “I’m fine. How are you?”

 

“I’m good, but I’ll be honest, you don’t seem fine. Is everything alright?”

 

Sam blinked up at Castiel. “You were at the show today, right? Ellen said she saw you.”

 

Castiel nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been there all day. Why?”

 

“Were you there yesterday?”

 

He shook his head. 

 

“I guess no one told you. Dean’s in the hospital. He was really badly hurt during a ride.”

 

Castiel’s eyes widened as he put the pieces together from the day. “Was he on a bull?”

 

Sam nodded. “He started bull riding last year. I told him it was a stupid idea, but I guess you would know how stubborn Dean is. Of course, he was good at it. He would work at Ellen’s and then go somewhere else to train. It was kind of crazy, but he did well. I came to a couple of his shows. Ellen sent me videos. Jo filmed the accident.”

 

Castiel swallowed. “Is that the family emergency that had the Roadhouse closed? Is that why Ellen and Jo left the show today?”

 

Sam nodded. “Yeah, that’s it. They’re both at the hospital now. He’s in the ICU so they’re only letting him have two visitors at a time. I’ve been there all day. It’s draining.”

 

Castiel nodded a bit. “I can imagine so. How is he feeling? I’m sure they have him loaded up on pain meds.”

 

“He’s in a coma. He was unresponsive after the accident and has been ever since. So far there hasn’t been any sort of response from him. He came out of surgery this morning. One of his kidneys was mauled from the kick, so it was removed. He had three broken ribs, a fracture in his skull, a broken jaw, and a broken leg. He was pretty heavily trampled and couldn’t get himself out of the way, he was out as soon as he hit the ground. The only thing I’m happy about is that I was here. It would have taken me days to get here.”

 

Castiel stared for a moment before looking down. “Oh, my god…that’s horrible. I’m glad you’re here with him, but I’m sorry you had to see that. I can’t imagine what that was like.”

 

Sam sighed. “Have you guys spoken recently at all?”

 

“No, not at all. I’ve only ever seen him in the distance since we broke up.”

 

“I don’t blame you. He told me what happened. I wouldn’t want to go near someone again after that.”

 

Castiel shifted. “I guess if you asked me now I could say that I forgive him. I was being stubborn too, and he just snapped. I don’t think he said what he said as a personal attack on me. It was just a burst of angry energy. When I dumped him I did the same thing.”

 

Sam nodded. “Well, good on you. I’m probably going to head back over there soon so Ellen and Jo can sleep. I have to leave tomorrow afternoon. I couldn’t get out of work.”

 

“They wouldn’t let you have days off after something like this?”

 

“I have a court date. I can’t miss it.”

 

“Oh, that’s right, you’re a lawyer.”

 

Sam stood from his seat. “Yeah. Well, it was good to see, you Cas. I’ll see you around, I guess. If you want, no one will be at the hospital tomorrow night. We’ve had someone staying next to Dean all the time so that he won’t be alone when he wakes up. I don’t know if he would want to see you, or if you’d want to be there, but I thought I’d put out the offer. He’s at the memorial hospital, in the ICU. Room 327. Tell them Sam sent you, just in case.”

 

Castiel gave a small nod. “I’ll think about it. Take care, Sam.”

 

“I will. Thanks, Cas.” With a wave, Sam left the restaurant.

 

Over dinner, Castiel was quiet in thought. His students talked and laughed. He smiled softly at them, grateful for the community they had created together. He looked at the time every once in a while and checked his phone. It had been years since he had thought this much about Dean. Guilt pooled in his stomach when he thought about the things he had said to him when they broke up. Some of it was straight-up lies. He told Dean that he was never happy with him. God, that may be the biggest lie he had ever told. There were very few moments with Dean where he was truly unhappy, and they were all on that last weekend. 

 

Castiel thought about the last few years of his life. He didn’t have any regrets, certainly, but he remembered one feeling he pushed to the side for most of the time: loneliness. He cast aside all of his social life and focused solely on his career. Sure, he was very happy with that decision, but would it have been so hard to have someone by his side during that time? Someone as encouraging as Dean would have been a godsend on those agonizing nights of studying. 

 

When Castiel went home for the night, he couldn’t stop thinking about his relationship with Dean. The more he thought about it, the more he regretted how it ended. He thought about how nice it was just to exist near Dean and spend time with him. He thought about how Dean was always so caring and watched for all the signs of Castiel’s anxiety and knew how to calm him down easily. 

 

The next day, he thought about what would happen if he saw Dean in the hospital. He knew it would be upsetting. He knew Dean was beat up and wouldn’t look like himself. Castiel decided by lunchtime that he was going. He mentally prepared to see Dean’s injuries and to see his face up close again.

 

The hospital was a 30-minute drive from his barn, which Castiel ended up appreciating. It cleared his head so he could prepare for what he was about to see. When he got to the ICU on the third floor, he told the receptionist who he was there to see and that Sam sent him. They seemed to expect him and led him back to a room, holding the door open for him. 

 

All that mental preparation, all that thought, none of it truly prepared Castiel for what he was about to see. He looked at the bed and saw a swollen, bandaged face that he didn’t even recognize. There was a white cast on Dean’s leg, bandages on his head and face, and a hospital gown covering the rest of his body, along with a thin white blanket. The only recognizable thing in the room was Dean’s boots, which looked much more worn in than Castiel remembered. 

 

Castiel took a seat next to Dean and drew in a deep breath. He could do this. He could be here so that Dean wasn’t alone. After all, Dean did this for him when he got hurt. The first person Castiel remembered seeing after his accident was Dean. He could never forget how green Dean’s eyes looked when the rest of the world was blurry. 

 

Truthfully, that image was a good representation of his life when he was with Dean. Dean was always the same, he never changed. It made him predictable, in a good way. Castiel was still surprised with gifts and fun dates, but never any shockingly horrible surprises…until the end. Dean was always so clear in a world that never made sense. 

 

Time didn’t move right in the hospital. Castiel never looked at the time, but he knew it was late based on the colors reflecting off of Dean’s face. They went from yellow to orange, to pink, and then disappeared, only the florescent hospital lights illuminating the barely-visible freckles dotting Dean’s cheeks. Castiel’s eyes looked over Dean’s face and to his wide, green eyes. It had been so long since he got to look into Dean’s eyes. They always drew him into a trance, a state where he couldn’t think of anything. 

 

It wasn’t until the eyes blinked that Castiel realized Dean was awake and staring at him with a frightened look on his face. 

 

“O-oh my god, you’re awake!” Castiel sat up. Dean opened his mouth to speak. “No, don’t talk, I need to get someone in here.” Castiel stood up and stuck his head out of the door, waving down a nurse. Immediately, the room was full of nurses and a couple of doctors, all checking Dean’s responsiveness. Castiel stood awkwardly in the corner, waiting for someone to tell him what to do or for him to leave. After a few minutes, the doctors and nurses started to disperse. One of them asked Dean about Castiel, and Castiel heard Dean’s voice for the first time in three and a half years, though it was slightly muffled from the bandage around his face keeping him from opening his jaw wide.

 

“He can stay.”

 

Castiel swallowed thickly and walked over to the bed once everyone had left. “Hello, Dean.”

 

“Hey. Why are you here?”

 

Castiel wrung his hands together, unable to keep them still out of anxiety. “I saw Sam last night. He said no one would be here tonight and they didn’t want you to be alone, so I came to stay here for as long as I could. It only seems fair, since you did the same for me when I was hurt.”

 

“I thought you hated my guts.” Dean coughed and winced.

 

“Your ribs are broken. Take it easy.” He sighed. “I don’t hate you. I never did. I forgave you a long time ago.”

 

“Then why didn’t you come back?”

 

“Because I never thought you could forgive me.”

 

Dean met Castiel’s eyes again. “I forgave you the minute you walked out my door. You had every right to dump my sorry ass. I was never angry at you, only myself. I don’t know how I could have been so horrible to someone I loved.”

 

“Y-You…You loved me? We dated for two months…”

 

“Yeah, I probably wouldn’t have said it until you did, but I fell hard and fast for you. It just…didn’t work, I guess.”

 

Castiel sat back down in his seat. “That’s what I feel most guilty about, convincing you that it didn’t work. It did. I was so happy. We bickered, but it was fun. No one has ever understood me like you, Dean. I’ve been chasing my career dreams ever since I left, and I love my job and where I am now but…I’m so fucking lonely, Dean. I have my students and my horses, but no one I can go to for anything. Gabriel is all the way in Chicago and too busy. I’ve been so alone and I don’t know how to fix it.”

 

There was a long pause. “You lied. You told me you were never happy.”

 

“I know. I was so angry about what you said, that I wanted to hurt you as badly as you hurt me. It was stupid of me. I wish I had done things differently.” Castiel looked down when he felt a hand covering his own. 

 

“You can’t blame yourself. I had to learn that lesson too. I nearly destroyed myself with guilt. It took me more than a year to come back to normal, but I still never got over you. I still have that guilt, but I don’t try to actively blame myself anymore.”

 

“You sound like someone finally knocked some sense into you.” Castiel didn’t expect the teasing to come back so soon, but there it was, and it felt good.

 

“Hm, maybe it was the bull.”

 

Castiel laughed softly. He closed his eyes. “I missed you.”

 

“I missed you too, Cas. I missed you so fucking much. You have no idea.”

 

Castiel opened his eyes to look at Dean again. “Come stay with me. While you’re healing. I’ll take care of you. We can try again, if you want.”

 

“You don’t have to do this, Cas. Would you have even considered that if I wasn’t like this right now?”

 

“If I got the chance to talk to you again, yeah, I would.” 

 

Dean stared for a moment, what was visible of his brow scrunched slightly before softening. “Okay. I’d like that.”

 

Castiel leaned down and kissed Dean’s forehead. “I won’t go anywhere.”

 

“I know.”

 

~~~

 

Sam walked into the room the next morning with two cups of coffee. He saw Castiel curled up in Dean’s bed, one arm draped over him. He grinned and set the coffee on the little side table. He saw Castiel’s eyes open and then narrow in confusion.

 

“I thought you had to fly back to California yesterday?”

 

“I got to push back the flight by 24 hours. I have a couple of hours here.”

 

Castiel rubbed his eyes and yawned. “We talked for a long time last night.”

 

“Wait, you talked? He’s awake?”

 

“Well, not right now, but yes. He was up a few hours after I got here.” Castiel looked for a spot on Dean that wouldn’t hurt when he poked it and chose his upper arm. 

 

Dean grumbled and looked at Castiel, smiling and kissing his cheek. “Damn, I never thought I’d get to wake up next to you again.”

 

Castiel smiled sweetly. “You maybe want to put a filter on in front of your brother.”

 

Dean blinked and looked at Sam. “Oh, hey Sammy.”

 

“Hey, Dean. You scared us all.”

 

“Yeah, I’m good at that.”

 

Sam rolled his eyes. “Thanks for being here, Cas.”

 

“No problem. Thank you for asking me to come.” Castiel gently took Dean’s hand and laid his head back down on the pillow. “If it’s alright with you, Dean is going to stay with me while he heals.”

 

“Perfectly fine with me. You’ll be taking a lot of pressure off of Ellen and Jo. I know they’ll appreciate it.”

 

“I’ll appreciate not being outnumbered by girls.” Dean chimed in. “I like girls, love ‘em, but I’ve got a really good boy right now.” Dean grinned at Castiel. 

 

Castiel rolled his eyes. “You’re insufferable.”

 

“You’re bossy.”

 

Castiel pecked Dean’s lips. “I’m going to be a hell of a lot bossier while you’re healing. I’m not letting you do anything stupid.”

 

As much as Sam thought they were adorable together, it was getting pretty mushy. “Alright, alright. Here’s your coffee, Cas. You can’t have any, Dean. You’re full of drugs.”

 

“Caffeine’s just another drug. Gimme coffee.”

 

Castiel shook his head and took his mug. “An elevated heart rate isn’t good right now. No caffeine for you.” He sipped his coffee with a hum. “Thank you, Sam.”

 

“No problem, Cas.” Sam sat down in the other chair. “Have they said anything about you going home?”

 

“Yeah, I think they’re gonna throw me out pretty soon. They need the room in the ICU. They’re gonna boot me to a normal room downstairs, and maybe send me home tomorrow. Well, to Cas’s house. I think it’ll be nice. We can catch up and see if we’d be okay to try this out again.”

 

Sam smiled. “I think it’s a great idea. I’m happy for you guys. I swear I had good intentions when I sent you here, Cas. When you said you forgave Dean, I had a feeling if you saw each other again, maybe you could be at least friends again.”

 

“Thank you for sending me. I had decided that at the very least I would have closure after coming here.”

 

Dean looked at Castiel. “Well, I for one am glad you got more than that. Obviously, we have a lot to work through, but right now we just want to enjoy each other’s company.”

 

True to his word, Sam had to leave by lunchtime to catch his flight. Dean was moved to a regular room on the main floor and stayed for the day. Ellen and Jo were there by lunchtime and Castiel had to go teach lessons until that evening. 

 

Castiel spent the night at the hospital again. The last thought he had before he fell asleep curled up with Dean was, ‘It feels good to be back.’


End file.
